Ben Marcus Rules

If you remember last week’s column in the Malibu Times, that statue of Captain Morgan mentioned: “And speaking of exotic birds, there used to be a cute little gal in a red truck who blazed around with a blue parrot of some kind on her shoulder. What happened to her?”

If you live on Malibu Road you might have seen a petite person zooming around in a dented red truck brimming with construction racks and tools. And you might have seen that same leprechaunish petite walking around with a big blue parrot or wherever on her shoulder. 

That little gal is Colleen Dwyer Brennan and if you are building or rebuilding a home around Malibu you might have seen that her working hard for the money, swinging a sledgehammer or humming with a band saw or power tools doing the kind of work you don’t expect to see a petite leprechaunish gal doing. 

To get the full experience, check out www.badbitchbuilders.com. She’s crafty!

Malibu Road isn't the same without you. 

Oh thank you, I….

It's safer!
Ho ho, ha ha, it is to laugh.. I obey all traffic laws.

How long were you living on Malibu Road? 
Five years.

When did you leave The Road? 
I left last August.

Why did you leave?
Our rent was just too high and my apartment was too small. And there was a great house that opened up on Malibou Lake. That’s where I am now.

What do you miss most about The Road? 
The moon.

Well you shoulda been here yesterday (6/20) evening because God’s orange moon was coming up big and bold over Carson. Smiling down like it was up to something.
I love watching the moon turn red as it descends, and I miss the sunsets. And I miss being two feet away from that Hyacinth Macaw. 
Jersey is the name of that blue bird of happiness.

Yeah what’s up with that Hyacinth Macaw? Reminds me of a Monty Python routine: “It’s a Norwegian Blue! Beautiful plumage!” Does it have a name? How long have you been pirating around together?

Jersey is that bird’s name. 

Do you miss the beach? The roar of the surf? The extravagant rent? The people?
The extravagant rent I do not miss, but the people I miss greatly. 

Malibu Road is a weird vibe, no? Quiet and not quiet. Kind of social and anti-social at the same time.
According to long-timers it used to be a lot livelier. Back in the day there were homes that were filled with people and but it feels empty these days.

As empty as Ye’s place?

Well maybe not that empty.

And most importantly: Who are you wearing? Carhartt? Chanel? Both?
Oh I don’t know. Probably Carhartt. I don’t fit into men’s clothing - like the OSHA regulated trades clothing. So I shop at little boy’s departments for clothes that fit. I get sponsored by a company called Keen Utilities for my shoes, which are great.

How do you like it on the other side of the hill near a lake not an ocean?
I love it. We have a mountain lion in the backyard, horses that are a hundred yards away. Neighbors are blue collar people. It’s quiet. It’s private. I have a garden. It’s two bedroom instead of one tiny apartment. It’s wonderful. 

The people on that side aren't as cool and groovy as this I can't imagine but oh well.
They are.

You’re only 1.7 miles as the little red truck flies from the Old Place. Do you go to Old Place all the time? I would. Breakfast bacon! Baked potatoes the size of footballs.
Yes I just talked to Morgan actually. I showed him the article on the pirate, actually. He thought it was great.

That pirate sends his regards.
Please tell him I said “Ahoy.”

Flipping through your website you have excellent taste in Boomer Music. When I see the work you do some songs come to mind: Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel. She Works Hard for the Money from Flashdance.  The dancer girl in Flashdance was a welder, right? Did that movie change the course of your life and set you on this path to tearing houses apart in Malibu?
I’ve never seen the movie Flashdance. So no, Flashdance did not change the course of my life.

Were you even born when Flashdance came out? 1983? 
No I was not born then. Nope.

Nope. Thank you ever so for reminding me how old I am. The other song you probably won’t know is: What's a Nice Girl Like You Doing in a Place Like This? Come to think of it I also think of She’s Crafty by The Beastie Boys. 
Oh I like that one.

And also “Five foot two, bird of blue but oh what those five feet can do.”  Are you even 5’ 2” or is that going some? You're 5’ 2” with that blue bird on your shoulder?
I’m five feet tall but I am probably 5’ 5” with the bird.

Do you still visit the bird over here? What's up with that bird anyway? C'est un accoutrement charmant.
I do. The bird sleeps over on weekends and I see her on Wednesdays. She’s been coming to parties with me.

Size don’t always matter: Ariana Grande is 5’ 1” and she can belt it. Kate Bush is 5’ 3”. Prince was 5’ 3”. Beethoven and Khruschev and Mel Brooks and Bjork are all around 5' 4". T.E Lawrence of Arabia was like 5'6". So I guess the other song you make me think of is Short People by Randy Newman.
I don’t know the song Short People.

Oh that’s right, 1977, thank you so very much for carbon dating me. Vinyl dating me, maybe I mean. Here give it a listen? This was a popular song way back when. And controversial. He’d be cancelled now.

Oh that’s a funny song. I like that.

Does size matter in the work you do? Is being petite and lower to the ground an advantage in some circumstances but not in others?

Yes and no. Being small I can go into crawl spaces in attics, but one time I had to break into a house because the guys locked the key in so they had me go through the doggie door.

Look on your Instagram and you’re doing the heavy lifting. And sledgehammering.

Being petite does help in certain cases but men and women have very different attributes and qualities and men, yes are stronger than women. It’s how… we’re made so I’ve had to find different ways and techniques to get jobs done. I don’t let it stop me, I don’t let it affect my work.

Your work is hard and probably uncomfortable and even dangerous at times but you seem to love it.
Yes it is. Yes it is dangerous and uncomfortable and hard. And yes I do love it.

Ever have surprise run-ins with black widows or rattlesnakes or Planning Department or other critters?
Okay I was just talking about this yesterday. The only two things I’ve seen that are cool were a rattlesnake and a scorpion. I was building a chicken coop in Serra Retreat and I saw my first scorpion.

Can you in 50 words or less describe the arc that brought you to doing hard construction in Malibu?
Everybody asks me this question. Everybody. And I don’t have a good answer. It’s just something I love to do, and it’s how my life unfolded. Yeah I’m very good at art, and I’m very good at restoration. Architectural Restoration is a company I had in Chicago. I employed 30 women and the company’s name was Bad Bitch Builders and we worked on Frank Lloyd Wright houses, Wrigley Buildings. We worked on restoring old buildings and now I moved out here because I didn’t see any women in construction.

Your website proclaims: “My name is Colleen Brennan, currently 33 years old from Chicago living in Malibu. 
Yep yep yep.

While in Chicago I became a general contractor, carpenter, welder, construction laborer - started my own company concentrating in architectural restoration. 
Yep yep yep.

Currently I now am subcontracted for full scale rebuilds & large scale remodels In the Malibu area.”
Yep yep yep.

Oh you're Irish. That explains a lot. 

Yep, 100 percent.

Are you musical? The Irish are very musical. U2, Sinead O’Connor, Enya, Johnny Rotten, Van Morrison….

I am very talented musically. No I just play the piano. I can’t sing for… beans. I do play the Bodhran, which is an Irish drum. And the harmonica.

And now that I think about it you are leprechaunish in some ways. Tiny and mysterious. Energetic. Magical.
And yes I am a leprechaun.

Do us a favor lassie and just say “Always after me Lucky Charms!”
I’ll pretend you didn’t ask that.

Tell us about your family back in Chicago. Are they into construction too or are they all bootleggers? I'll bet you have some bootleggers in your ancestry. You can tell me I won't tell anyone.
I am one of six kids. They are nowhere near construction. My dad doesn’t even know how to change a lightbulb. But they are very hard-working people, good people, Irish Catholics. 

My grandfather was a coach at Notre Dame and my grandfathers on the other side fought in the world wars. 
I come from very athletic people. I have a cousin who’s a gold medal Olympic swimmer. I have a bunch of cousins who are all American athletes. They’re very well known in Chicago and I’m very proud of them. 
I have like 50 cousins on one side and 50 on the other. And now they’re all having babies of their own, it’s crazy.

Okay I flipped through your Instagram and I have some Yin and Yang comments. You have good Boomer taste in music: The Hollies, Cornelius Brothers and Sister Rose, Vivaldi, George Thorogood, Cake and some weirdo 21st Century world music hipster stuff I wasn't familiar with.
I guess the music I listen to at work are… my favorite song right now is Free Bird.

But of course!
When the Levee Breaks by Led Zeppelin.

Now you’re talking. I’ve always said there’s a Led Zeppelin song for every human emotion, and some human emotions that haven’t been invented yet.
I’m like stuck in the 1970s Classic Rock, and Motown. I love the music of Motown, and of course, the Blues. I love listening to Howlin’ Wolf at work.

On the other hand in one Instagram you're standing high on a ladder using power tools to trim a deck but with no spotter below. Peligroso! And in another Instagram you're using a table saw without safety glasses. I know a dude in New Zealand who lost an eye when his Down Syndrome son threw a wood chip at a saw and it went into his eye. Safety glasses please. To paraphrase Princess Bride: “There is a shortage of perfect remodelers in this world. ‘Twould be a pity to damage you.”
I love Princess Bride. Westley was my first crush.

The teenage daughter of Dwead Piwate Wobert’s works at a place in Malibu on the weekends. She is a very pretty girl. Doing construction work wearing a bikini might not meet OSHA standards - a possible danger to yourself (and perhaps the dudes you work with.) Have you ever been injured on the job?
Okay the one injury I had is I was using an angle grinder and I thought to myself ‘Do I just do this tiny cut?’ This metal… it was like a hurricane tie?? that needed to get cut on one of the joists. It was in a hard place to reach so I grabbed the grinder and a shard of metal went into my eye because I didn’t take the time to get my glasses. And Doctor O’Connor removed it but that was the most painful thing ever.

This was in Chicago?
No Doctor O’Connor is in Malibu.  Dr. Gregory O’Connor. Shout out to him for helping me when I was in deep peat and he saved me. And I’ve broken my thumb and I’ve put a nail through my thumb. I shot a nail through my thumb and drilled a nail through my thumb. Other than that I’ve got my 10 toes and 10 fingers and my two eyes.

I've been following your work for some time now. You did a classy, sturdy Chicken Coop a year or so ago.That was a fine-looking chicken coop. Did you get that in Architectural Digest? Better Farms and Hen Houses?
Yeah good, you remember.

What are the other notable projects you've worked on?
The houses that we’ve done in West Malibu on Paseo and Tapia. I did a really cool job when I first moved here in Bel Air, working on one of the most expensive houses, doing a stainless steel mirror finish that I got to restore. I love getting to do… there’s no job too small or too big. 

And that pivot door in Palisades was cool. How long did that take?

That pivot door I did with a contractor named Nick Danischewsky. He’s a phenomenal welder and that took us probably two days. 

How much did that door weigh?

It weighed a …. ton, but two guys, myself and Nick could carry it.

Is there a project you are particularly proud of?

I’m very proud of a deck we did on Broad Beach that I kind of helped build solo. It was gorgeous, it was made of Grappa.

Grappa? I had grappa in northern Italy once. Val d’Aosta. And carpaccio.

No, it’s Garapa = a type of exotic wood. There’s a bunch of exotic woods we use in Malibu: Ipe, Kurumu.
There was another… I’m really proud of a house we did on Malibu West. We’ve done about five houses in Malibu West and that’s been really fun. 
Oh I know a job I’m really proud of. I didn’t get paid well but I got to fly to Brooklyn and do an art installation at a McLaren Hotel.  It was a hundred-foot wall of shutters I installed in the concrete and it was very very beautiful.

Do you have a favorite house in Malibu?
I do love that beautiful house that’s up… I think it’s Rambla Vista. It’s this incredibly architected way of these beams that run through… I don’t know how to describe it. It’s got these huge wooden structural beams that shoot out of the house and like drapes into the glass windows below. And it has this wrap-around porch that is absolutely stunning.

I wonder if that’s the house I call the BeetleJuice house? With the funny roof?
I don’t know if that’s the BeetleJuice house as you call it, but there’s a second Beetlejuice coming out and I’m really excited.

We all are. It’s about time.
And I love the house I’m in. It’s a cute little cottage.

Favorite houses? I do love… what’s his name, 007… Pierce Brosnan’s house on Broad Beach. They have this… I don’t know if it’s teak or what but they have the most intricate wood design on the garage.. On the driveway for the front door and beautiful wood pieces that I just… blow my mind.

And then.. who’s that architect who built the airplane wing? What’s his name?)

Ed Niles?
David Hertz. His property is incredible. There are so many houses that I love out here. Just incredible. 

Do you have a favorite street or place or hideaway in Malibu?Favorite street? I love going up Latigo. I do love Latigo. I love Calamigos Ranch. Glen Gerson is a saint of a human being. An absolute cowboy. That’s probably my favorite place in all of Malibu.

Currently what we’re doing is working up Corral Canyon and that’s been fun. I love the different landscapes of the houses that we get to work on: Like up Ramirez and Winding Way and then Paradise Cove. 
But PCH. Working on PCH is difficult. It’s very difficult - the parking.  That’s been really fun. Every client that we’ve had here has been above and beyond kind. Very very classy people. Upstanding people. 

What don't you miss about the Malibu?

Well I’m still in Malibu, kind of. Malibou Lake. I don’t miss it because I’m in it every day. 

I would think someone in your line of work would stay non-stop busy in a town that regularly burns to the ground every five or six years or so.
Yeah I’ve been very very busy. I’ve been very grateful. But the first year I moved here I didn’t get taken seriously until my boss Chris Phelps hired me. From there it’s been non-stop.

A town that is a hard place to get a building permit but then puts up 15,000 square foot, no holds barred, damn the torpedoes mega mansions. Is your dance card always full?
Yes my dance card is always full.

If you cloned yourself and cloned yourself again, I’ll bet all four of youse would be busy, no?
Absolutely we would all be busy, but the world can’t handle even one. The thought of another one would be so scary.

Well maybe things would get done faster around Malibu if there wuz four of youse. I know people whose houses burned to a cinder in Woolsey and they haven’t even broken ground yet. 

Do you charge money for the work you do or are you one of those trust fund kids just doing it as a fun hobby?
Yeah of course I charge money. It’s not a hobby (pronounced hawr-bee) 

Well I was being tongue in cheek but it’s hard to decipher sarcasm from emailed questions. Apologies. What do you charge for the work you do? I hope it's a lot.
It depends on the job for what you charge, but prices are a lot different than they are in Chicago, I’ll tell you that much.

But you do quality work in a place that appreciates quality work and will pay for quality work. Yes/no? That must be a comfort.
Yes it is. 

When I win the lottery I'm going to buy you an electric truck. Something you can plug your table saw into. Would you prefer a CYBRTRCK or a Rivian or a Ford Lightning or something else?
(Scoffs) Ford Lightning? Okay no electric truck. We’re doing a Ford F350 or like an International truck, that would be fun. You know I do like the new Rams. The Laramies are cool.

If you could build your dream house in Malibu where would it be and what would it be? How big? 
It hasn’t been built yet. I need to build it on a property. I need a property that’s near Calamigos and I’ll build it.

What materials? 
Well it’s gotta be fireproofing materials. It’s gotta be built smart. It’s gotta be able to withstand living in a fireplace, you know?

What architect?
I think I’d try being the architect. I don’t know. Like being raised in Chicago we have some of the most beautiful architecture and I’d love to be able to bring back some of the traditional architecture whereas when I first moved here I kind of freaked out at the contemporary, modern look of some of these houses.
Oh you know who has really pretty houses are over by Zumirez, and over there by what’s that street… you know that area. It’s got really cute houses.

You know in a way the work you do is a form of yoga - a lot of stretching and weird poses and positions. 
Yes it is, I do have a lot of stretching. Bulates - the owner of Bulates - helps me tremendously with my posture. She gets on me for slouching for being bent over all day at work and that’s something I find really important. And then I work out with George Foreman’s crew over at Craft Boxing.

Maybe you should start a school that's a combination of yoga and construction techniques.
I want to start a school. That’s the dream. 

Malibu needs more yoga instructors.
Yes. More. 

Your initials are CDB. Do you use that stuff to take away the aches and pains of the work you do? Oh wait it's CBD. Sorry. Boomer. Clueless.

No, I do not use CBD. I’m 15 years sober. I know it doesn’t get you high or anything but I use Arnica oil. I use Tylenol and Advil, ice baths and Epsom salts. 

And I would imagine destroying things with a sledgehammer could be therapeutic in a way. Angst relieving. Do the Irish carry angst?

(Spoken like Brad Pitt in Snatch) Do the Irish carry fookin angst? You’re darn right they do. Yeah for sure they do. It just comes from a culture of sweeping everything under the rug.

But I think all women around the world need to at least experience demolitioning a house with an excavator or slinging a sledgehammer into some 2” x 4”s. 
Being 15 years sober it means you wake up out of sleepwalking through your life.  I was 20 years old when that happened and by the time I was 25 I was the youngest female general contractor in Chicago, running a company and it has healed me physically from all the physical trauma that my body went through getting sober. But that’s another story for another day.