The other day I saw something big and white and Rolls Royceish rolling through town and I looked up to see which ostentatious rich guy was rolling in that monster tank of a Rolls and it was you behind the wheel of a large automobile. Buzz! Smiling like a Cheshire Cat that ate the canary! And making it look good!
Thanks. Felt good.

What manner of Rolls Royce was that?
Cullinan - it’s as close to anti gravity as you can get without Elon Musk helping. 

Chat GPT has a lot to say about the Rolls-Royce Cullinan. Culling down all of it down to this. “The Rolls-Royce Cullinan is a luxury SUV powered by a 6.75-liter twin-turbo V12 engine producing 563 horsepower and 627 lb-ft of torque. It can accelerate from 0 to 60 mph in just 4.9 seconds. The interior is handcrafted with the finest materials, including premium leather, wood veneers, and metal accents. Offers an exceptional level of comfort with features like heated and ventilated seats, massage functions, advanced climate control, optional “Viewing Suite” and "Starlight Headliner,” the latest infotainment system, a large touchscreen display, navigation, Apple CarPlay, a premium audio system, advanced driver-assistance features like night vision, adaptive cruise control, lane departure warning, and cross-traffic alert. The starting price for the Rolls-Royce Cullinan is around $350,000, but with customization options, the price can easily exceed $400,000.”
Those are the selling points. Here’s the good stuff: Wool between your toes. Cold AC on your bum, the steering wheel is meant to be driven while drinking a fine espresso, or by someone else. 

Someone else driving or drinking an espresso?
You driving and drinking an expresso. One that is in a very very small cup. The one that always spills when you walk from the express counter to the wobbly table at your local coffee house. 

If you watched Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, Seinfeld reluctantly rolled with Carl Reiner in a 1960 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud and then reluctantly rolled with Rickey Gervais in a convertible 2018 Rolls Royce Dawn. Seinfeld is a Porsche guy and didn’t want to like it, but he loved the ride. Do you love the ride?

Yes, the ride is quite smooth and powerful. It’s small things like the right size of the steering wheel or the four inches of lamb wool in between your toes. Let your toes wiggle in that fur. There’s nothing like it.  

Is the ride worth a couple hundred thousand dollars?  

If you drive a Rolls-Royce and you have that kind of money, it’s the equivalent of driving a nice BMW 5 series. 

Oh man! I just had what alcoholics call “a moment of clarity!”

Did you now?

You like apples?
To be honest, I’m not a big fan of apples. I’m more of an orange, watermelon and mango kind of a guy. I do like an apple with salami - kind of weird. And I love apple pie.

Do you know who sang the song Car Wash? You know who sings that song? Rose Royce!! How do you like them apples?
Fresh out of a bucket of water. 

Segue! Transition! Let's get down to business!

Aha!

There might be people in Malibu who actually wash and detail their own cars - or (sniff) use the drive through at the Shell Station…

Shell… if you’re in a hurry for a car wash, can’t beat that. There’s a risk though. The high PH in the soap will break down the paint finish. 

…and might not be familiar with your service.
There are a lot of people who wash their own cars in Malibu. People enjoy washing their own cars. It’s relaxing, therapeutical, and a great result at the end of the work. A lot of my customers tell me how they would wash their car with their dad and now they wash their car with their son. Maybe they do it once a month. I do it the other three times.

So people get Buzzed once a week with their cars?
We wash with fresh cold water and high quality soap, old school. We take our time. We have checklists and we really try not to miss a spot. 

That’s what one of your loyal customers said. LJ: “ I love Buzz. He comes every Friday and takes my car for a little TLC and brings it back by EOD.” Tell us about your service? 
We wash, we wax, we detail. But we really try to do the best in customer service. Picking up cars. Getting gas. Checking air tire pressure…

Anything extra?
One of our more popular concierge services is going to the DMV. We can handle most any DMV request. Out of state / Vin verifications / tile transfers. The side part is I like going to the DMV.

Wow that’s a weird fetish - enjoying the BDMVSM? That’s new. I heard they closed Guantanamo Bay and now they just threaten to send terrorists to the DMV in Santa Monica. They sing like boids.
I go to The Thousand Oaks - or Thousand Old Folks - DMV. You get to see 16 year olds excited to get a driver's license and 96 year olds terrified to lose theirs. The average time in and out is less than 90 mins. 

Customer service is a dying art. Customer service was everything when I was a kid. We try to practice that at the newsstand. “The customer is king.”

...also Checking for mice “Malibu’s special.”

Yep, mice are a problem around here. They can do a lot of damage to an extremely expensive car.  What’s the worst rodent damage you have seen?
Mercedes GLE 63 AMG, the fire wall had been consumed by half. The mice were so happy. They applied for eviction protection.  

What are the details on a detail? I’ve seen what you do to JO’s Audi and it’s fabulous.

Our wax wash includeS the above plus a clay bar which removes surface contaminants - think of those yellow little dots all over your car 'and carnauba wax protects it from the seagulls of Malibu - (who are on our payroll). Our wash is an exterior and interior, tire shine, vacuum, wiping the interior, and blowing out all of the kids goldfish from under the seat. 

Live goldfish? Cruel! 
No, the snack.

Roger. What’s the weirdest, most illicit, most illegal thing you’ve found in a vehicle?
One day, we cleaned a car and a frog jumped out - no joke. 

Was it that singing and dancing frog from Looney Tunes? Michigan J Frog? With the top hat and cane? He cool. “Hello my baby. Hello my darling. Hello my Ragtime gal!” That's the sort of thing one expects to see around the Malibu.

No I think it was a young boy who had found it camping and put it in his pocket. It was pretty cute. 

So what’s your title?
A friend once said I’m a “washer and chief.” I kinda like that! 

No I meant the title of the business.
Buzz Wax Automotive Hygiene. 

How long have you been in business?
Fourteen years. Can you believe it?

Time passes funny in the Malibu. Thriving? 
We typically grow the business by 20% year over year. 

Well that’s solid. Going public? IPO?
Why not! It is a fast growing industry.  Buzz Wax fills a need in the car wash industry, Cool guys  with customer services, a personal touch, and a fair price. Our sources at www.carwash.com say: “The carwash market is projected to reach $68.9 billion by 2031, expanding globally at a CAGR of 6.7% between 2023 and 2031. In 2021, the market was valued at $29.3 billion and in 2022, $38.4 billion. In the U.S., the carwash services market is expected to reach $27.89 billion by 2033, a CAGR of 5.5% between 2023 and 2033.”

You survived Covid and Woolsey and everything else?
During Woolsey we were able to give a free wash to everyone who wanted and needed one to remove the fire smell and smog from their car. I could not imagine losing everything and then getting into a car that smelled like the fire. 

We service the Malibu community around 300 free car washes. The karma Gods smiled on me and I found a Mercedes-Benz 300 SEL from one of my customers for the free wash. I was able to purchase it for $300. It was awesome.

What about Covid?
Covid was great. 

Covid was great? You just said Covid was great. Y’all are crazy, man.
Maybe not Covid, but a reason to close and not feel quilt. Ya baby. When you own your business care about everything and you can’t stop that. My only time to stop is when I go surf. So cut me off and  die scum fuck!! 

It was the first time I was able to close for two weeks and not answer my phone. On week three we decided to reopen and service everybody who wanted a car wash with exterior only, full mask, gloves PPE. It was awesome. I’ll send you a pic.

What do you charge for a wash and a detail?
Valley prices with Malibu pride: Wash $50/60. Wax $150/200. Detail $300/350. 

Righteous bucks! How is business?
It’s good, although I feel like we could go bigger and be doing better. But there’s only one of me. We have a great staff of very friendly people - hard-working guys who drive up from Los Angeles and work hard. A lot of our local businesses rely on employees driving long distances sitting in traffic dealing with PCH just to work and go home. We try to pay them as much as possible. Make the job enjoyable. Happy employees clean a car better. 

And you get to drive them all - right?

I do, but it’s stressful if you’re driving someone’s Ferrari and a rock chip happens: you’re responsible. If somebody on a bicycle leans too hard on the mirror: you are responsible. If someone wants to steal it, you give it to him and you’re responsible.

I drive up PCH eight times a day on average, so I know.  Also, I know who speeds and where they speed and what assholes are driving around that don’t live here. CHP should pay me.

Are you suggesting there are people from out of town who drive hazardously through Malibu? Like using the traffic light at Webb Way as a drag-racing Christmas tree and then burning up PCH headed west going Mach Jesus?
Yes, every day working outside you get used to hearing the sounds of PCH. An Aston Martin, raging up the hill or a Porsche Turbo. I can almost identify each car as the roar passes with my eyes closed.

Ever do that scene from Ferris Bueller when the valets take that Ferrari Californian for a test drive?
I was driving a Tesla and I pushed on the gas a little bit too hard. I instantly got a text from the owner telling me that the car was recording all my moves.

No way! Busted! Welcome to the 21st Century, bubba.

…since then I’ve never driven a car faster than the speed limit.

I once took a cat shot off an aircraft carrier after watching John Milius shoot Flight of the Intruder. It felt like going to Warp Speed or something. I didn’t think I would ever feel that kind of acceleration, and then I drove a Tesla S P100D with Ludicrous Mode. Knocked my hat and sunglasses off. That car has 500 HP, the Plaid has 1000+ I can’t even imagine.  

So fast.

Go online and look for people test-driving the Plaid. They scream. Every time.

The guys at the Malibu Tesla store say they use Stuart Ranch Road to punch it and shock and awe potential buyers. Between you and me: Do you go burning up Stuart Ranch Road when no one’s looking?

Put this in the paper and you’re dead. My speed record from the stop sign to where I have to turn is _____ miles an hour in a _____ _____. 

Your secret is safe with me. Kinda. To quote Ferris Bueller: “What is the choicest car you have driven?”

I like the Ferrari F8 a lot. 

What is the fastest car you have driven?

Porsche Turbo S. 

Our Chat GPT says! "The top speed of a Porsche 911 Turbo S is approximately 205 mph (330 km/h). What is the most expensive car you have driven?
F8. 

Our Chat GPT says: "The cost of a Ferrari F8 Tributo starts at around **$280,000**. However, with customizations and added options, the price can increase significantly."

We are insured up to $3 million. I’m not quite sure how much it cost. I know I just don’t wanna pay for one.  

Is there a vintage or super car you are fiending to drive you haven’t got to drive yet? 

A tank. Like from World War II. 

Talk to Zuma Jay. He got to drive Shermans for Clint Eastwood on that Iwo Jima picture.

That’s awesome. 

Say I win the Lottery and I buy Buzz his Five Dream Cars. What are they?

BUZZ’S WISH LIST

1. 2003 Porsche Turbo. White on Tan. Dinner with the wife and kids. 

2. 1970 Rolls Royce Silver Spur with surf racks. Beach car 

3. 2002 Range Rover P38. Black on BFG. Everyday driver 

4. Porsche 356 for the cool kids.

5. 1945 Jeep Willys. Go anywhere, anytime. 

And my 1977 Ford F100 that I sold and bought back. It’s now in my daughter’s name. 

Yes you have a lovely daughter who wears glasses and loves to dance. How is that lovely daughter who loves to dance?

Life is a blessing. I have two lovely daughters who love to dance. They love art, politics, music, school, Girl Scouts and soccer. They’re quite amazing. I’m very proud of them and it’s really great to see them become humans and they’re cool. And my lovely wife Hollis, who is the local designer and amazing mom: she makes these school lunches everyday that look like Martha Stewart. Every night since they were young, she reads to them at least at least an hour until they fall asleep. Plus she makes everything cool at the Malibu Racquet Club.

Your car wash in Malibu is popular, but where else?
Our business services country clubs. We now service North Ranch CC, Bel Air Bay Club and a Mobile van that services all in between. We are always looking for new opportunities and our focus now is on shopping centers. If anybody has a shopping center and they want a good tenant that drives traffic: call me. 

What about Cross Creek Ranch? They have valet-only, underground parking.

Do we know the owners? 

BUZZ ROCKING A JUMPSUIT. PHOTOS: YVETTE ROMAN

And I have to say at risk of everything: No one rocks a one-piece jumpsuit like Buzz Cadenhead.
Zipper down. Deep V. It’s hot when you’re washing cars - the jumpsuits are cool. They breathe easy. They look cool and people try to buy them all the time, but I can’t seem to sell them.

And by the way, what’s up with your name? Buzzy Kerbox’s real name is Harold and Buzzy Trent’s real name was Goodwin so I get that. Is Buzz your real name?

When I was baby my mom called me Buzzy the Bee. I could not stop running around. If I go to the doctor they call me John Eric Cadenhead Jr. In a different life it would work as a banker. I tried going by John multiple times or John Eric, but it never stuck. I’m just Buzz.

Like I’m Just Ken. I'm gonna ask Chat GPT where “Cadenhead” comes from: “The name "Cadenhead" is of Scottish origin. It is a surname derived from a place name in Scotland. The elements of the name may come from the Gaelic words "cadha," meaning "steep path" or "pass," and "ceann," meaning "head" or "end." Thus, "Cadenhead" could refer to someone who lived near the top of a pass or hillside. It is a relatively uncommon surname and is associated with Scottish heritage.”
My dad “Bronco” would say that the Cadenhead name comes from the Caddon Valley of which the headwaters were controlled by the family. Caddon Head.  

Kay den. But here is the truth. The Wiki truth: The Caddon Water (Scottish Gaelic: Cadan) is a small river by the village of Caddonfoot, in the Scottish Borders area of Scotland. It rises on Windlestraw Law, four miles north of Innerleithen, and flows through the Stantling Craig Reservoir. It joins the river Tweed at Caddonfoot, having completed its journey after 11 miles (18 km).

Well your Malibu wash and detail is at the top of a hill, kind of, so there.
We’re always trying to do our best. 

So you’re Scottish, that’s why you’re digging on Rolls Royce.
I’m a WASP, baby you know it. I’m not a WASP at all. 

So you're Buzz and your dad is Bronco. What is your mom's nickname or dare I ask?
Boring, Sarah. 

Boring Sarah? You call your mom Boring Sarah? 
No I meant…

That’s not too nice. Give my regard to your lovely family and if I ever have a car again, I will bring it to you once a week.

We can wash your bike too.