WORD NERD / FLEXICON

Ben is an admitted Word Nerd: “That’s the brain they gave me.”

You don’t want to play Scrabble or Words With Friends against him (even when he isn’t cheating.)

His Flexicon is 130+ morph words that Ben made up: applepsy, blondtard, GPiSsed, hormotional, organasm, THCenility, typochondriac. 

Applepsy n. A mesmerized neuroses/insanity caused by watching the Apple colored “wait” wheel spin and spin and spin and spin spin and spin and spin and spin as the Apple system gags on Microsoft Word or Photoshop, or when Safari crashes. [Apple: A popular computer brand + Epilepsy: a disorder of the nervous system, characterized either by mild, episodic loss of attention or sleepiness (petit mal) or by severe convulsions with loss of consciousness (grand mal).

ATMosity: The anger one feels, standing at an ATM machine, when the tech-challenged person in front of you takes 20 minutes to withdraw $20. Also: The anger one feels when someone says “ATM machine” as that is a redundancy – Automated Teller Machine machine. [ATM: Abbreviation for automated teller machine. + Animosity: A feeling of strong dislike, enmity or ill will that tends to display itself in action]

Blondtarded () a.  Awkward behavior by fair-haired women. “Oh! My! God! Betty backed her new Explorer into my dad’s new Suburban. She is such a blondtard. And she’s not even a real blonde!” [Blonde: Of a flaxen or golden color or of any light shade of auburn or pale yellowish brown. Middle English blounde + Retarded: Affected with a mental or physical slowness, usually genetic. Middle English retarden, from Old French retarder, from Latin retard:  to delay ]

Castrophobia () n. : A rare affliction caused by the belief that Cuban leader Fidel Castro is watching your every move. Or, a distrust or dislike of Cuba, such as the United States Government has held since the Cuban Missile Crisis of October, 1962. [Castro: From Fidel Castro, the Premier of Cuba since 1959 + Phobia: A strong fear, dislike, or aversion. Late Latin, from Greek -phobi, from phobos, fear.]

Eggsistentialist () n.: Someone who goes through life convinced the egg came before the chicken. Or, someone who lives to go to baseball games and hurl abuse at outfielders. [Egg: A female gamete; an ovum. Also called egg cell. See: Which came first, the chicken or the egg. Or, to embarrass or humiliate. +.  Existentialist: A philosopher who emphasizes freedom of choice and personal responsibility but who regards human existence in a hostile universe as unexplainable.]

GPiSsed:  When you are late and lost, and you trust your Global Positioning System, and it glitches and makes you later and loster. “Oh man I had to be at Kelly’s party by 7:30 and I relied on my dumbphone. There was a street that was one way and I got totally lost and showed up too late to pop out of the cake. Kelly was pissed, and I was GPiSsed!” [GPS: The Global Positioning System (GPS) is a satellite-based navigation system made up of at least 24 satellites. GPS works in any weather conditions, anywhere in the world, 24 hours a day, with no subscription fees or setup charges. The U.S. Department of Defense (USDOD) originally put the satellites into orbit for military use, but they were made available for civilian use in the 1980s. + Pissed: adjective VULGAR SLANG very annoyed; angry.]

Gyrotrash () n. : Playboys and Jet Setters from the nation of Greece. “Why did you leave the disco, Bitsy?!’ ‘Oh I got swarmed by six guys wearing open shirts and gold medallions. They smelled of ouzo and cigarettes and grape leaves and I had to escape. Bloody Gyrotrash!!!!’” [Gyro: A sandwich made usually of sliced roasted lamb, onion, and tomato on pita bread. From Modern Greek guros, a turning. +  Eurotrash: A slang term given to free-spending, hard-partying Europeans in New York City in the 70s and 80s.]

Inconsonant: In Scrabble or Words With Friends, getting stuck with a rack of seven vowels and being unable to move. “Old MacDonald, I bought the farm. I have E I E I O and two U’s. I’m inconsonant, so I am going to pass.” [Incontinent: Unable to restrain natural discharges or evacuations of urine or feces + Consonant: A speech sound produced by occluding with or without releasing (p, b; t, d; k, g), diverting (m, n, ng), or obstructing (f, v; s, z, etc.) the flow of air from the lungs.

Mallaise () n. That feeling of depression and physical uneasiness when walking through a shopping mall or a strip-mall drug store. Usually inspired by fluorescent lighting, Muzak and the overall suburbanness of it all. [Mall: From shopping mall, a shopping precinct closed to vehicles. + Malaise: A condition of bodily discomfort. Esp. one without the development of specific disease. Fr. mal = bad + aise = ease.]

Mammarithmetic: () n. What goes on in a man’s head when he stares at a woman’s breasts. “Did you see that mammarithmetician in the toupee at the bar staring at my tits? You could see the numbers spinning in his head.”  [Mammary: Pertaining to the mamm[ae] or breasts; as, the mammary arteries and veins. French. Mammaire + Arithmetic:  The mathematics of integers, rational numbers, real numbers, or complex numbers under addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. Antonym = cockulus]

𝐎𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 n. A memorial written about a recently-deceased, ill-tempered, unkind woman - or perhaps a submissive gay man. "Oh God, A____ S___ finally moved on - the mean-spirited old witch. I should submit her obitchuary to 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑁𝑒𝑤 𝑌𝑜𝑟𝑘 𝑇𝑖𝑚𝑒𝑠 but they probably wouldn't run it: Too honest. Too mean." [𝐁𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡: A pejorative slang word for a person, usually a woman who is belligerent, unreasonable, malicious, controlling, aggressive, or dominant. Or, a man who willingly or unwillingly submits to the will and control of a dominant partner in a sexual relationship, especially with another man, as in prison. + 𝐎𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲: A notice of a death, especially in a newspaper, typically including a brief biography of the deceased person.]

Organasm: A brief burst of pleasure following an act of cleanliness or organization: Doing laundry, balancing your checkbook, cleaning your car. “ I just backed up the hard drive on my PC and my Mac to my external hard drive, so I had a double organasm!”  “Organize: + Orgasm:]

Popupleptic () n.: Dizziness or loss of sensation inspired by those annoying, pop up Internet ads.  [Pop up: A modern word for Internet advertising that suddenly appears on a computer screen.  + Apoplectic: Sudden loss of sensation and movement due to a disturbance of blood supply to the brain.]

Textlexic: (text-lex-sick): A modern condition, propagated by spell checkers on cellular phones and other forms of communication. [Text + Lexic: ]

THCenility: A state of mental disability brought on by marijuana smoking. “Alex has smoked way too much pot. I ask him a question and five minutes later he answers it. I fear he’s gone THCenile.” [THC: Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) is one of at least 113 cannabinoids identified in cannabis. THC is the principal psychoactive constituent of cannabis. + Senility: Showing a decline or deterioration of physical strength or mental functioning, especially short-term memory and alertness, as a result of old age or disease.]

Typochondriac = n. A person suffering from typochondriasis, which is an excessive preoccupation or worry about grammatical or spelling errors in a document. Typochondriacs fret and fuss about about capitalization, em dashes and other spelling or grammatical rules, no matter how minor they may be. Typochondriacs also relentlessly proofread everything they read: cereal boxes, hangtags, the news scrolls on CNN and even their friends' emails - which is why typochondriacs are often friendless. [Typo: A slang term for "typographical error" which is a mistake made in, originally, the manual type-setting (typography) of printed material, or more recently, the typing process. + Hypochondriac: A person who suffers from excessive preoccupation or worry about having a serious illness.  Hypochondriacs become unduly alarmed about any physical symptoms they detect, no matter how minor the symptom may be. They are convinced that they have or are about to have a serious illness.]