Ben Marcus Rules

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(Clickable, for your pleasure)

1. Malibu Fire Story In (Just) Over 2000 Words.

2. Entourage x Baywatch x Northern Exposure x Emergency!

3. Production/Cost Advantages to Shooting It All in Malibu(?)

4. The Possible Fire Starters (PFS)

5. The Firefighters and Paramedics of City of Malibu Station 00

6. The Citizens of Malibu (Famous and anonymous)

7. Livin’ La Vita Dolce:

   Cars and Coffee

   Beautiful Houses with Beautiful Gardens and Beautiful Friends Inside.

   Malibu Music

   Accoutremental: Animals, Clothes, Plastic Surgery, etc.

8. Malibu Is Stranger Than Fiction: True Incidents Malibu Fire Will Re-Create

9. Episodes (Rough and subject to evolution)

10.  Merchandise, Product Placement, Spinoffs, Season 2 and Glossary

11. Writing Team and Tone, Ben Marcus and His Demands

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Malibu is stranger than fiction. The beautiful and the bizarre meet in swift collision in The 27 Miles of Scenic Beauty and Non Stop Drama by land, sea and air, squeezed between the hot and dry Santa Monica Mountains and the deep and dark blue Pacific Ocean.

Malibu is where SoCal dreams and cliches come true: Swimming fools and movie stars, boys in bikinis & girls on surfboards shooting the curl, million-dollar cars and thousand-dollar sushi bars, homeless from under bridges and billionaires from pleasure palaces rubbing elbows at Starstrucks. Legal pot and two Teslas in every garage of luxury doublewides.

Weather, scenery, money, ocean.

The last, best place in Southern California, Malibu is one of the best-preserved small towns in America, but where most small towns are boring and unsophisticated, Malibu is anything but. The California Riviera is one of the most desirable, expensive places to live in California and the world. Beautiful houses, with beautiful gardens, and beautiful people inside. A beach cottage can cost anywhere from $20,000,000 to $100,000,000 and rent for $250,000 a month.

Malibu is Architectural Digest come to life and many of those pleasure palaces in the hills or along the beach are part of the “Rehab Archipelago” of four dozen drug and alcohol centers - where troubled souls take the cure for $100,000 a month.

A sunny, prosperous, beautiful, desirable “quiet coastal community” whose citizens live la dolce vita under a seasonal threat: The destructive, unstoppable firestorms that roar over hills and dales and consume in fire everything when the Santa Ana Murder Winds blow.

Into the good, bad and ugly of Malibu comes a horseman, a stranger, The Man With One Name: Cooper grew up riding and roping in Gopher Crotch, Montana. A restless, adventurous, courageous, 19th Century soul, Cooper served as an Airborne Ranger in Afghanistan, then applied those skills to become a US Forest Service hotshot/smokejumper in Montana.

Half Blackfoot Indian and half black Irish, Cooper is tall, dark and laconic - and fire is his passion. He hates fire. He loves fire. Fire sets his soul on fire and pumps his heart as the flames roar.

Sexual? Probably. Cooper sees beauty and music in twisting pyres of flame, but he also sees the devil in that mad, dervish dance – and Cooper wants to beat the devil.

COOPER MATH: Gary Cooper + Lucky Luke + Adam Driver + JimmyG + Gage + Dan Malloy

With several years of hotshot, firefighting and paramedic skills on his resume, Cooper’s restless, adventurous, curious soul drives him as far west as his grandfather’s hand-me-down 1956 Ford F100 will take him: from the outskirts of one of the most beautiful, rural parts of America, to a job as a firefighter/paramedic along the rural, beautiful outskirts of the most populated part of America.

COOPER = JAKE GYLLHENHAAL’S DALTON CHARACTER FROM ROAD HOUSE

I’ve spent a fair bit of brain power imagining who Cooper is: how he looks, reacts, talks and behaves. And then I saw Road House with Jake Gyllenhaal and there Cooper pretty much was: Dalton has one name. He is tall, dark and handsome. Taciturn, laconic, observant, standbackish, quietly confident, he is outwardly fearless, inwardly hiding things and grinning at some private joke - some voice in his head. He is Old School polite, kind and heroic but loves it when the shit hits the fan. He’s not afraid of a fight - but it’s fires he fights. Cooper sees the devil in those twisting flames and he wants to beat the devil. And Dalton is from Montana! Dalton is pretty close to Cooper.

Malibu: 27 Miles of Scenic Beauty and Human Drama. 

Montana has about 1.03 million citizens scattered across 145,552 square miles. Los Angeles County has 10 times that population crammed into 4,058 square miles - 1/35th the space of all of Montana. Montana has 7+ people per square mile. LA County has 2400+ people per square mile. Malibu has 600 people per square mile. Cooper soon finds he is cowboy comfortable in Malibu - and learns to like Los Angeles only in small doses.

Still smoky from parachuting into a Montana wildfire and smooth-talking-to-safety a family of Bible-thumping “canyon critters,” Cooper arrives in Malibu on Memorial Day, when the fire danger is low but other dangers lurk. Startled by his first ride in a Tesla Plaid accelerated by tall, blonde and laconic firefightress Ulrick from LAX to Station 00, Cooper sees danger on both sides and up the middle of PCH - a NASCAR track through a residential neighborhood: Distracted drivers screeching to a halt behind garbage trucks stopped in the slow lane, super bikers and mini bikers splitting lanes doing 100 MPH wheelies, surfers and pedestrians playing Frogger with their lives to reach the beach, bicyclists weaving outside the white line whooshed by a concours de swellegance of super cars.

Cooper views all the sound and fury of PCH with a paramedic’s wary eye and gets an earful from Ulrick's know-it-all, chatterbox son Tom of the dangers and accidents-not-waiting-to-happen on both sides of PCH: rattlesnakes biting Westley/Dread Pirate Roberts; a white shark attacking paddleboarders a mile off Cher’s house; hang gliders and kite surfers flung into traffic and/or high voltage lines; a coyote snatching Jessica Simpson’s poodle; Instagrammers and TikTokers pulling silly/dangerous stunts; drowning lobster divers; crazed celebrities climbing the walls at rehabs - and endless car and motorcycle accidents along PCH, in the canyons and up to Mulholland Drive.

From Bullit’s Mustang to Tarantino’s Pussy Wagon to the metal flake, camouflaged Lambos driven by Crazy Rich Persians to customized, convertible Tesla Plaids and every super car you can imagine: Malibu is all about Car Porn: beautiful cars old and new, fossil fuel powered and electric.

Car Porn, but also Mansion Porn. From Eric Lloyd-Wright’s aerie high on Saddle Peak to John Lautner’s mid century modern masterpieces at sea level in the Colony and on Billionaire/Carbon Beach - Malibu is so money: On PCH Ulrick points out beach houses renting for $250,000+ a month and mobile homes with million-dollar-plus price tags. Money that would go a long way toward buying a nice spread, a good horse and then some back in Gopher Crotch.

MANSION PORN MALIBU STYLE

Some of those palaces hidden away in the hills or down along the water are part of the “Rehab Archipelago” of three-dozen-plus licensed and unlicensed (AirAA) drug and alcohol facilities in Malibu. Ulrick rolls her eyes at all the comic and tragic shenanigans that take place behind - and sometimes over - walls and gates in the Rehab Archipelago (And a possible spinoff: Malibu Rehab.)

The motto of City of Malibu Station 00 is: “Omnia bene, donec non bene.” Surrounded by $30,000,000 houses, the station HQ is small and non-fancy with Big Red and Little Red - a KME engine and a GMC squad - manned/womanned by a crew of firefighters straight out of Moby Dick: Ulrick the ex-supermodel, Curren the ocean savvy Aqua Man, Brock and Cheese the surfers/rock stars/chatterbox paramedics, Munoz the engineer (driver) from the ‘hood, Flame the singing nozzleman and the station mascots, Noll the Man Mountain Muscle and a pair of Pacific Lobster named Spiny Norman and Norma.

A funny, dedicated crew overseen by their Ahab: Captain Peabody, a man of infinite jest with decades of experience, an encyclopedic memory, a Black Belt Jeopardy! player, a patient sense of humor and a burning dedication and determination to restore the honor and dignity of Station 00.

Cooper is a newcomer in a coveted position subjected to a long apprenticeship by the men and women of Station 00. He’s not in Gopher Crotch anymore: Never tasted the Pacific Ocean, never met a movie star, never driven an electric vehicle, never shook hands with a naked billionaire.

As an Afghanistan veteran, Cooper has had AK47s pointed at him but never by the hired goons of a corrupt, kleptocrat son-of-a-dictator during a brush inspection.

Malibu is a small-town, bizarre universe that presents a whole new palette of perils.

Over the summer, Cooper uses his paramedic training and diplomatic people-tact more than his fire-fighting skills, but as he drives Captain Peabody on endless brush inspections, Cooper absorbs an ongoing education in the pleasures and perils of Malibu. He also picks up a lot of citizen negativity toward Malibu fire fighters, as homeowners/taxpayers feel “burned” by the lack of response and protection - especially in the aftermath of the 2018 Woolsey Fire - a blazing tsunami that overwhelmed men and machines and torched hundreds of homes. 

And because Cooper is from Montana, more than a few Malibu citizens ask him about life and prices there - because they’ve given up on rebuilding, want to sell and go somewhere else.

Malibu is all about privacy and security but the crew of Station 00 have a magic wand: brush inspections all summer long to protect homes and businesses and prepare for the autumn Murder Winds. As the New Guy in Blue, Cooper is exposed to lavish Pleasure Palaces high in the hills, deep in the canyons and along the beach overlooking the ocean: The deep and dark blue ocean that seduces Cooper like fire, but different.

Surf, dive, paddle: Cooper yearns to learn Longfellow’s "Secrets of the Sea."

Over a long summer Cooper washes away the sweat and stress of his new job on and under the waves of that deep and dark blue ocean, under blue skies, overwatched by green trees, hills and mountains under what could be the most perfect climate on earth. Everything’s okay until it all goes black and hellish. Cooper is instructed in unseen dangers riding shotgun with Captain Peabody and becomes familiar with creosote bush, sumac and other oily chaparral that hold the explosive power of a stick of dynamite.

Those Santa Ana winds. The Devil Winds. The Murder Winds. The citizens of Malibu whisper in hushed tones about those winds as if they were Voldemort. Cooper tries to picture the Santa Ana Devil Murder Winds that can blow 80+ MPH through the canyons, turn brushfires into firestorms and overwhelm any attempt to douse the flames: "We have the best fire break in the world " Captain Peabody says. "The Pacific Ocean.”

Santa Anas in the morning, homeowners take warning. Cooper soon understands Malibu residents living under the threat of firestorms are faced with a choice when the dragon is unleashed: “Should I stay and fight, or should I flee now?”

No human force can stop the advance of a firestorm propelled by the Murder Winds, and there are never enough men or machines to defend every house in the city limits. To stay and fight is to risk arrest and/or your life, but to win is to salvage your home, belongings, gold records on the wall, cats in the yard, horses, Emmys, Oscars, Tonys, Grammys, financial future and sanity - and head off a multi-year, multi-million dollar shitstorm of insurance, courts, architects, delays, headaches, planning and construction. 

Nature overwhelming man is the reality of Malibu firestorms, but the hundreds of people who lost their homes during the Woolsey Fire blame Station 00 for their lack of preparation and response.

In all their brush inspections over the summer, Cooper meets more than a few Malibu homeowners who have zero faith in the fire department and have geared up to fight the fires themselves: from pumps and one-inch hoses feeding off hot tubs and swimming pools, to individuals and volunteer fire departments that are fully equipped with engines, tankers, cutting edge gear - but this is Malibu after all.

In all of this, Cooper understands that Station 00 works under a black smoke cloud of suspicion, disappointment and mistrust from the people of Malibu: He hears it and feels it wherever he goes wearing his blue uniform. And he begins to understand what he has moseyed into - a crew of good men and women determined to somehow make good on their past failure, prepare for the next firestorm, and restore the honor of Station 00 by protecting Malibu.

“From the very beginning, fire has defined Malibu in the American imagination,” Mike Davis wrote in Let Malibu Burn, for LA Weekly. But that is not entirely true. The word “Malibu” evokes Chevy Malibu and Ferraris split in half. Malibu Barbie and Paris Hilton. Malibu Rum and celebrity rehabs, Caityln and the Kardashians, Angelyne and Angelina, Two and a Half Men and Hannah Montana, billionaires and bums, palm trees and cactus, just getting along in the warm California sun.

Cooper gets an eyeful of all of this as in many ways, all the clichés and dreams of southern California life come true in Malibu. Sitting at Malibu Kitchen (RIP) on his first day, Cooper is astounded by the real estate prices, monthly rental rates, the parade of million dollar cars, the quantity and quality of pretty girls and beautiful women, exotic, high-bred dogs and even people on horseback moving through town. SpongeBob Yoga pants, Bugattis, plastic surgery, electric cars, $50,000 watches, $300 t-shirts.

Sex, money and electric-powered vehicles.

Malibu is a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll. Cooper drives south by southeast from Gopher Crotch in his old and busted ‘56 Ford F100 “rig” towing a trailer with his prized quarter horse HepKat, and his loyal Queensland Heeler Ike by his side: ready for new pastures. Cooper worries his hat, horse, Carhartt jacket and Sir/Ma’am pronouns will label him as a rustic hick to the dazzling urbanites of Los Angeles. But he is surprised to discover how rural, cowboy and small-town friendly Malibu is. Malibu people understand the bloodline and value of HepKat - a quarter million dollar quarter horse - and love Ike.

In fact, Ike rescues a poodle from the evil jaws of a daylight coyote snatch attack - and the grateful matron offers Cooper free rent in a million-dollar guest house. Good dog!

But Cooper gets “owly” being repeatedly told to ditch his “stinkpot” Ford F100 and buy an electric Ford F150 Lightning. That old Ford was handed down by his grandfather, who bought it brand new for $1580.

The last best place in SoCal, Malibu’s 600 people per square mile is close enough but a world away from the rattle and hum of metropolitan LA. Arguably the best climate in the world, Malibu is world-class beautiful - the California Riviera. 

And PCH runs through it. The Pacific Coast Highway through Malibu is a NASCAR track dividing a bedroom community. Too many people drive too fast and distracted along PCH and it has long been one of the most hazardous, deadly, tragic, wreck-strewn stretches of road in the world - texting hasn’t made it any safer.

Cooper and Team 00 scurry/worry through summer responding to countless PCH accidents and also up in the Santa Monica Mountains - where Mulholland Drive is better than any closed-circuit track and more accidents not waiting to happen.

Malibu is stranger than fiction. The realities of life along the 27 Miles of Scenic Beauty provide an endless combustible fuel source for a TV drama as hot as a Malibu firestorm.

City of Malibu Fire Station 00 is fictional, but the foundation of the show is re-creating the endless menu of bizarre, ridiculous, dramatic and tragic incidents that have truly happened by land, sea and air: Vic and Joe punching out a 14 foot white shark - aka Miss July - a mile out from Cher's house. The billionaire Swedish gangster splitting his million-dollar Ferrari Enzo at 190 MPH and walking away. The AirBnB partiers overloading and collapsing a balcony. Caitlyln Jenner involved in a fatal crash at PCH and Corral Canyon. The suicidal man leaping from a helicopter. The rehab escapee stealing a Lexus SUV, and nearly killing a motorcyclist while killing himself. Mel Gibson getting arrested. Cary Elwes getting snake bit. Nick Nolte acting up. The tragedy of Kobe Bryant.

Famous and anonymous: A long, endless history of true incidents to draw from, and form a foundation of reality layered with comedy, tragedy, comedy, sex, money, fire!

And lurking under bushes and around corners, a murderer’s row of Possible Fire Starters: Careless paparazzi, a clumsy red-tailed hawk, Noah the Environmental terrorist, greedy surfers, Lady Gaga’s flaming breasts. Acts of Gods and Frauds.

Malibu is stranger than fiction. Everything’s okay until it isn’t... These are the lessons Cooper learns over a long summer.

Like Shane, Cooper is The Man With One Name, and like Shane, Malibu Fire is a western: Cooper is the tall, dark and mysterious outsider, bringing his fire fighting, paramedic and people skills to join a crew of dedicated but beleaguered firefighters working under a Captain who is Ahab-obsessed to restore the reputation of Station 00 and prepare for the next firestorm.

Has Station 00 learned their lesson after Woolsey? Are they prepared for another firestorm? Who will start the fire? Who will lose their house? Who will fight and save their house? Whose life will be ended fire? Whose life will be cleansed?  

And what does Cooper bring to the fight?

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Like Emergency (1972 – 1979), Malibu Fire will be a straight procedural showing how professional paramedics and firefighters deal with everything from rattlesnake and stingray attacks to crazed rehabbers to end of the world brushfires. How has technology been updated since the radio telephones used by Squad 51 in the 70s? The friendly bickering of Brock and Cheese is inspired by Gage and Desoto. And Cooper scores a million points with the firefighters of Station 00 when the call tone on his dumbphone is the claxon from Emergency!

Like Baywatch (1989 – 2001), Malibu Fire will be ocean-oriented, and trimmed in southern California spice, lifestyle, weather and bikinis. Like Baywatch, there will be lots of ocean action: Surfing, kiting, standup paddleboarding, diving, sailboarding - and rescues of men and women engaged in that ocean action: surfers tangled in lobster traps, kite surfers blown into traffic on PCH, John McEnroe’s son blown out to sea at Malibu Colony and almost drowning (true story), re-creating Vic and Joe punching out a 14-foot white shark. Lots to choose from.  

Like Northern Exposure (1990 – 1995), Malibu Fire follows a stranger and outsider learning the quirks of a quirky small town – because that’s what Malibu actually is: One of the best preserved small towns in California and the United States - although a bit more sophisticated and interesting than a typical small town. But loaded with characters from Dukes to Neptune's Net, up high in the canyons and along the beaches: rock stars, tech billionaires, homeless mumblers, some people talented, accomplished and cool, others arrogant and entitled. Malibu offers a whole new palette of New West human behavior to Cooper, and his reactions range from amused to appalled to aroused.

Done right, Malibu Fire will be like Entourage (2004 – 2011): a hyped up reality, written/acted/ directed/produced smart, funny and relevant. Entourage made inside jokes like the bad cell service in Malibu, and Malibu Fire aspires to be as inside and inclusive.

Done right, the show will attract the celebrizens of Malibu to play themselves, or some version of themselves: Axl Rose, Jonah Hill, Laird and Gabby, Gary Busey, Chris Martin, The Brothers Wilson, Mike D, Matthew McConaughey, Sting, Ed Norton, Lady Gaga, Anthony Keidis and/or Flea, Ed Harris and/or Amy Madigan, Julia Roberts, Babs and/or Britney, Jane Seymour, Sam Elliott and Katharine Ross, Dick van Dyke, Michael Madsen: Much to choose from.

These people are actors. Some are hams. If the show is irresistible, these musicians and actors will want to Act Naturally and be themselves in a fun, hit show as big as Entourage - and they all can go home after work!

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When Marshall Coben - former VP of TV at Paramount, former owner of Malibu Locations, husband of Jane Leeves - pondered if it would be more or less expensive to shoot all of Malibu Fire in Malibu, he said:

“No difference.”

Would it be an advantage or disadvantage to shoot the entire show, in Malibu, probably in the winter? It’s not inexpensive to shoot in LA County, but there are advantages:

Maybe buy/rent a secure property at a halfway point to use as a semi-permanent base camp? A place to store equipment, craft services, meetings, dressing rooms, temporary housing for outsiders?

It would be possible to handpick a good chunk of the cast and crew from Malibu and 75 miles in any direction but south. Most of the locations are in Malibu or the Valley, so everyone goes home at night.  No hotels. No planes. Everyone sleeps in their own beds.

And hopefully the citizens of Malibu will get behind the production and open their homes, ranches, gardens, vehicles and inner sanctums for the production. Malibu people love/protect Malibu, and hopefully this show will do Malibu justice.

A crack team writes the show through the spring and summer of 2023, shoot it during the fall/winter of 2023/2024 when there are less people around and the light is world famous from sunrise to sunset - a Director of Cinematography will have fun with that Malibu light, from Tequila sunrises to Golden Hour sunsets.

On the air by summer (winter?) of 2024. $yndication until the end of time!!!!!

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As Malibu Fire arcs from Memorial Day to Labor Day and into Devil Wind season the firefighters and paramedics of Station 00 deal with car crashes, drownings, balcony collapses, rehab drama, brush inspections, house fires, rattlesnake bites, crashing kite surfers/parapenters and a hundred other calamities, a murderer’s row of possible fire starters smolder under the surface and on the fringes. Someone or some thing is going to start a devastating brushfire, and these are some of the Possible Fire Starters (PFS)

The pyrock stars: Tommy Lee was burned by pyrotechnics while performing with Motley Crue in 2005. Malibu is home to many musicians young and veteran: Axl Rose, Pat Benatar, Chris Martin, Mike D, Miley Cyrus, Beck, Ozzy, Lady Gaga, Cher, Neil Young. One of these artists is planning a tour that involves flash pots and other incendiaries. They are not always responsible with these pyro techniques, so the firefighters keep a weather eye on them. Might be funny if the firefighters went to Lady Gaga’s crib and plead with her to cool it with the pyro bra.

REMOURA MATH: Miki Dora x Murph the Surf = Sam Elliott, Ed Harris, Michael Madsen, Mark Hamill.

Dickie Remoura: Captain Peabody’s brother from another father. Now in his 70s, Dickie was a famous Malibu surfer (Miki Dora x Murph the Surf) accused and convicted of masterminding a museum heist in which a guard was killed. Dickie went to prison in 1973 and swore his innocence the whole time, but now he is out - 50+ years later - and feeling like Rip van Winkle, a Malibu native in a strange land: Cell phones, legal marijuana, yoga pants, soyrizo, surf cameras, surf leashes, electric cars, standup paddleboards, Thrusters, hipsters and so damned many people everywhere!: The 21st Century leaves Dickie spinning. Released to Malibu, Dickie Remoura is feeling old, lonely, ashamed and without prospects. (And to add spice and anger to Dickie, he was innocent all along and wasted 50+ years of his life in jail). Bitter, bothered, bewildered and sketchy, if someone were to pay Dickie to torch their house for insurance, he might just do it. And if that took Malibu with it, that would be a bonus.

(Shocked and awed by the surfing crowds at First Point, Dickie Remoura falls in with the Butthole Surfers and their schemes to block the surfing crowds - sabotaging surf cameras and such. But in the end, Remoura convinces the Butthole Surfers not to start a fire that would block the crowds expected for a Hurricane Maria swell. They could kill someone. Prison ain’t worth it.)

CLARENCE & DROOGS: SMASH AND GRABBERS FROM THE ‘HOOD

Four hapless boyz from the ‘hood who pull a smash and grab at a Malibu jewelry store on the wrong day in front of the wrong people.

The leader Clarence is named for the character in 8 Mile - an educated, properly-brought-up guy who so wants to be gangster. He orders his three not-so-bright Droogs in Ebonics, but is always correcting their grammar. “Don’t end a sentence with a preposition!”

Clarence and his Droogs pull a smash and grab at a Malibu jewelry store which doesn’t go as planned. A Malibu Mom sees what’s going down, sees red like (Will Smith x Suge Knight) and runs them over with her Rolls Royce = or is it a Bentley? She runs down Moe and Curly as Clarence and Simp run into a Starstrucks.

With guns drawn they jack a CYBRTRCK from Mr. Green (see below) who hands over his fob, saying “Just take my truck. Don’t hurt anyone. I’ll find her.” Clarence and Simp start to drive away in the CYBRTRCK - shocked by the speed and tech of the vehicle - but they lose control of it to Mr. Green who hits some buttons on his phone, locks the doors, rolls up the windows and makes the car go in circles.

They pull a gun and try to shoot out the windows to escape, but the windows really are bulletproof. The cops come, they are all arrested and taken to the hospital and/or jail.

A funny, frontier justice teaser to Episode 2, but the punchline comes months later. All four of them are both relieved and pissed when they are let out of jail in October: “Man we stole a quarter million dollars in watches and jewelry, pulled a gun in a Starbucks, jacked a CYBRTRCK and they letting us OUT?!?! What kind of universe is this??!?!?”

Clarence and the Droogs get out of jail way too early and plot revenge on the Malibu Mom who ran them over with her convertible Rolls/Bentley, and Mr. Green who humiliated them in front of a crowd at Starstrucks with his remote control CYBRTRCK.

Will they torch Malibu Mom’s carefully-pruned, fire-proof landscaping, or will they set fire to Mr. Green’s garage full of electric cars and start the Great Conflagration?

WHAT MASKS ARE THE SMASH AND GRABBERS WEARING?

The Red Baron: A well-dressed, intelligent, articulate but quite mad homeless man who has private conversations with statues - the La Salsa Man, the winged angel in front of the Post Office, the three pigs near Starstrucks, the surfer statue and the owl in Legacy Park.

Those statues all whisper to Red Baron the same message: “Malibu must burn. These people don’t respect you.” Will the Red Baron act on those voices and start a fire in the bush that burns the town?

MALIBU’S VARIOUS TALKING STATUES INFLUENCING RED BARON TO BURN MALIBU!

The Rehab Archipelago: The fictional Predilections is a play on Passages, Paradigm and Promises: a made-up version of the four-dozen legal alcohol, drug, sex and whatever addiction facilities in Malibu's Rehab Archipelago. These rehabs are populated by a never-ending parade of more-or-less troubled people, struggling to overcome addictions and paying as much as $100,000 a month to get their mind and bodies back, and their lives on track. 

THE REHAB ARCHIPELAGO: 5 OF 47+ IN MALIBU

These rehabs often don’t have their own medical facilities, and it’s a strain on resources for Station 00 to constantly respond to medical and other emergencies somewhere in the Rehab Archipelago - “Usually a new inductee going off on a last bender,” according to Gene Rink.

Pyromania is defined as “an impulse control disorder in which individuals repeatedly fail to resist impulses to deliberately start fires, in order to relieve tension or for instant gratification.” Is there a pyromaniac hidden away in a Malibu rehab, who won’t resist the temptation when the winds blow? (And is Malibu Rehab a possible spinoff?)

THE GOFUNDME GRIFTERS: In November of 2022, motorcyclist Stephen Levey was badly injured in a typically horrible accident at the bottom of Kanan Road. According to some news reports, a Rehabista escapee stole a Lexus SUV and barreled down Kanan Road at light speed. Blazing through the intersection at PCH, the SUV hit a truck so hard it tumbled into motorcyclist Stephen Levey who captured the near-death accident on his IPhone. Levey broke or ruptured everything and self-started a GoFundMe that raised almost $100,000. 

A GoFundMe for Tibetan Uber driver assaulted by two anti-mask women in San Francisco raised $106,216 (!)

A GoFundMe for a Lyft driver who was pistol-whipped and robbed raised $32,000+

Station 00 responds to a similar accident by a Rehabista taking out a citizen that inspires a crew of GoFundMe Grifters to scheme a fake accident, in which one of them steals a car and does a controlled crash into another team member. That person is injured but not seriously. They start a GoFundMe in hopes of grifting $100,000+ from kind-hearted people. Will the faked accident go wrong and start a brushfire?

STALKERAZZI: Malibu’s stalkerazzi hang around the Cross Creek Starstrucks and Ralph’s and Nobu, or lurk in the bush on private property. The stalkerazzi are nervous, irresponsible, selfish types who flick burning cigarettes into the brush, crash drones or drive crazy and cause accidents. Will a stalkerazzi start the fire that burns his prey out of their million-dollar homes?

A fight between Malibu surfers and paparazzi on the beach at Point Dume.

AGOURAPHOBIA

NOAH THE ANTI-VAL ENVIRO TERRORIST: A troubled soul living high in a trailer on a secluded property who grows a powerful strain of marijuana - called, coincidentally “Malibu Fire.”

Noah uses the proceeds from his illegal crop to inflict environmental terror acts around Southern California: vandalizing SUV dealerships, torching housing developments and strip malls.  (Perhaps a dual role for Jonah Hill?) Noah the eco-terrorist has left smoke and ash from LA to San Diego, but now the approval and construction of a sewage treatment plant and/or retail shopping center threatens to layer Malibu with new housing, traffic, yuck.

Or maybe the Environmental Terrorist objects to the Malibu cars and coffee meetings, which he calls “Valibu:” All the smoking revving, pretentious super cars - Noah calls them “stinkpots” - strutted around by - as The Eagles sang: “All the jerkoffs in their fancy cars.” Noah plots to take them all out at once.

Noah suffers from - and the show introduces the idea of - "Agouraphobia" = a fear of overdevelopment that will wreck small town, non-vulgar Malibu. Brock and Cheese and most of the firefighters live in the Valley and don’t like it. They want to live in Malibu and leave the Valley behind.

Whatever his target(s), Noah bides his time, waiting for the Devil Winds to cover his plan to torch the offending development and save Malibu – or possibly destroy it.

BUTTHOLE SURF PUNKS: A gang of entitled local surfers who want First Point Malibu to themselves. They vandalize surf cams that beam crowds into the lineup, they hack the crowd inspiring surf reports with “alternative surf reports” and try to scare surfers away by pretending to be Miss July and swimming a big fin through the lineup.

The cameras are fixed, the websites are hack-protected, the Jaws-like prank doesn’t work and they get arrested, but they don’t give up.

Fall is prime time for big southern hemi swells, like the now-famous Hurricane Marie swell of August 2014. These days, surf forecasters can predict a south swell immediately after a leopard seal farts in the Antarctic and give surfers more than a week’s warning that a big swell is coming. Surf cameras beam crowds like a Star Trek transporter.
In Malibu Fire, the local surfers are alerted to a Hurricane Marie-class swell that will arrive on Halloween. They fear the crowds that will descend on Malibu for this swell, so they - in a cloud of Noah the eco-terrorist’s high-powered Malibu Fire cannabis - hatch a plot to start a brushfire that will cause chaos, block the roads and let them have epic surf for locals only. What is meant to be a small brushfire turns into something much larger when the Santa Ana winds start up. Doh!

GOD: Bolts of lightning, a red-tailed hawk blown into high voltage wires, rocks blown together and sparking. Sometimes the force that starts a major fire is force majeure.

Hawks carrying snakes have crossed high voltage wires and started massive, deadly firestorms in Montana, California and elsewhere.

Flaming hawk with snake in its talons starts fire in La Jolla in 2015

Hawk and a snake start a wildfire in Montana in 2017.

THE PARASAILER: Force majeure, or force major screwup? Like the red-tailed hawk, the parasailer is an accident waiting to happen. He/she launches from the highest peak over Malibu and floats to the ground with more or less control. He/she nearly has been taken out by helicopters and low-flying planes and has missed snagging those same high-voltage wires on more than one occasion. Does a stray gust of Devil Wind - or an errant paparazzi drone - throw him/her into a high voltage line?

THE OUT OF CONTROL KITE SURFER: “Everything’s okay until it isn’t” certainly applies to kite surfing. A difficult sport that can be thrilling but also killing when things go south. Years ago a kite surfer was picked up by the wind at Zuma Beach and flung out of control into PCH. He survived, but what if he had been thrown into high voltage wires?  (Or maybe this was Ocean Beach in San Francisco? Still…)

PYRO JAY THE SFX GUY: Jefferson Wagner is one of the top special effects technicians in Hollywood. He is licensed to duplicate everything short of nuclear explosions and the firefighters are nervous about his pyrotechniques on his property in the Malibu hills. Maybe they pay him a visit the same day as Lady Gaga? Jay nearly died defending his house in Latigo during Woolsey. He lost his comic book collection, surf wax collection, a lot of weapons he used as a Hollywood armorer. This show could re-create that.
In 2028 Zuma Jay had his house raided twice for political reasons, and then it burned down in the Woolsey Fire. Jay nearly died trying to save his house and had to be hospitalized.

This is a story about Jay caught up in Chinatown-class politics then defending his home during the Woolsey Fire: www.malibuafter.com/portfolio-2/jefferson-zuma-jay-wagner

MR GREEN THE RENEWABLE ENERGY DUDE

MR. GREEN: He is to electric cars what Seinfeld and Leno are to fossil-fuel powered stinkpots. An Uber-wealthy collector of electric cars and a major advocate/practitioner of renewable and green energy.

Carefully lined up in a sterile warehouse somewhere in the Malibu hills, Mr. Green has them all, from the old Tesla Roadster to the new Tesla Roadster and all the Teslas in between: S3XY, CYBRTRCK. 

Also: Aspark Owl, Rimac Nevera, Automobili Pininfarina Battista, Karma, Lucid, Volkswagen I.D 4, Porsche Taycan, Ford F 150 Lightning, Rivian, Fiat 500, Mercedes Benz EQS, Peugeot e-2008, Jaguar I-Pace, Mini Electric, Audi e-tron, Jags, Bugattis.

Every electric car (and motorcycle, skateboard, bicycle and golf cart) available for sale, and some that aren’t available for sale because Mr Green is rolling in GREEN.

Mr. Green is also big on renewable energy and his whole cutting-edge compound is powered by solar and wind turbines and maybe other gizmos. That house exists. It’s called Zero One. See above and here: www.marisolmalibu.com (Dennis Haysbert - the voice of All State - has been powering his house with solar to storage battery to Tesla for more than a decade. That sort of thing works in Malibu.)

At some point Mr. Green befriends Cooper - maybe because Mr. Green likes Montana or wants to buy a property there. Hyper-wealthy people are a mystery to Cooper - he doesn’t understand how people become that wealthy. Cooper asks - politely - how Mr. Green has made so much money. He says he was one of the original investors in Uber (like Ed Norton) and Tesla and other 21st Century tech companies.

(Truth tis, if you had somehow bought one million shares of Tesla at the $17 IPO, within 10 years that $17,000,000 investment would have been worth $5,700,000,000 in November of 2021. I think that’s right)

He has made billions on the Green New Deal and indulges his fetish for electric cars. Cooper begins to understand one way people become wealthy: Hit SEND at the right time. Time’ll make you rich.

We meet Mr. Green when his CYBRTRCK gets jacked during a robbery at Starstrucks. A dumb and desperate crew pull a smash and grab at a Malibu jeweler. A citizen sees red and runs down two of the robbers and wrecks/blocks their getaway car. Two of the smasher/grabbers run into Starstrucks and threaten the patrons with guns.

Mr. Green hands them the fob to his CYBRTRCK and asks them to just drive off, don’t hurt anyone, he’ll find the truck. The desperados are driving away as Mr. Green pulls out his smartphone, hits some keys and takes control of the truck, which goes around in circles.

The desperate desperados are stuck in the truck and try to escape by shooting the windshield. The gag is those CYBRTRCK windows really are bulletproof. Mr. Green stops and unlocks the truck, cops pull guns and arrest the smash and grabbers, Mr. Green gets his CYBRTRCK back.

All well and good but then a fire starts in his warehouse and Station 00 responds to one burning car and struggle to prevent a warehouse full of electric cars going up in flames. They learn from this, but worry Mr. Green doesn’t and might start The Big One. When the firestorm hits at the end of Season One, Mr. Green’s warehouse is at Ground Zero in the way of the fire and that causes great concern with Station 00 who don’t know if they can get there in time to stop two dozen electric cars from going up in flames.

JACKASS WANNABES/DUMB WAYS TO DIE

SOCIAL MEDIOTS: Way back in the 1960s, Andy Warhol prophesized: “In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes.” In this modern world of social media, everyone tries to be world famous for 15 seconds every 15 minutes.

For likes and looks and cheap thrills, moderns do really dumb things on purpose these days, and put themselves and others at risk: Minibike wheelies down PCH, suicide diving off Rindge Dam, shooting the Malibu Pier on a surfboard, mountain bike stunts over cliffs.

This happens often through the summer, but as the Murder Winds blow it gets serious. Maybe some jackasses try to recreate a Jackass stunt by firing a bottlerocket from their buttocks, and it all goes wrong - for the butt and the brush and the city and citizenry of Malibu.

CLUELESS OUTSIDERS: The citizens of Malibu know how to behave when the winds are blowing, but people passing through don’t. A cigarette flicked from a car, a campfire left smoldering in the hills, a car crash or a motorcycle crash when the winds are howling. One careless act is all it takes to burn a large patch of the city.

WILDFIRE/PYRO TERRORISTS: An irresponsible idea, but wildfire terrorism is a “low tech, high concept” threat that California people think about and fear - and something the intelligence, environmental, fire fighting and security agencies take seriously: A plot by terrorists and/or insurance/stock scammers to wait for the Murder Winds, then fly a small plane or helicopter dropping incendiary devices all along the Coast Range from Gaviota to Griffith Park. Done evilly right, Los Angeles would burn and cause a massive catastrophe - maybe as a diversion for something else?

This would be an irresponsible idea to introduce - because some numbskull(s) would probably try it - but maybe the hook is that these terrorists plot their destruction for months, but as they are taking off from Malibu in their helicopter, the Devil Wind gets them or they collide with Tom’s drone or suffer a mechanical failure. They crash and explode and Malibu takes the brunt of the fires, while the rest of So Cal is saved. Gotta be careful with this idea.

Pyro terrorism is a threat taken seriously:

www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/pyro-terrorism-threat-arson-induced-forest-fires-future-terrorist

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In Malibu, when you call the fire department, you get the Chippendale dancers.

Nia Peeples - dancer, actress, Malibu resident

Firefighters are so hot right now, and have been for awhile: From Emergency! to Rescue Me to Chicago Fire, Malibu Fire is the new hotness: The men and women of City of Malibu Fire Station 00 are a nice-looking, talented, funny and dedicated bunch who have all worked hard, risked their lives and have invested a lot of sweat equity to earn their place in the sun at Station 00 - considered a glamor posting compared to some of the gritter, sweatier corners of Los Angeles.

But all their hard work and civic equity went up in smoke during the Woolsey fire - they were undermanned and overwhelmed by the intensity and spread of the fire, and are now under the gun of the simmering disappointment and outright confrontational anger from the citizens of Malibu who feel Station 00 failed to perform their duties during the Woolsey Fire.

THE MONTANA MAN WITH ONE NAME

COOPER: This guy’s full name is as mysterious as the rest of him. What has he got that got him straight from Montana to Malibu?

The man from Montana: Half Blackfoot Indian and half black Irish. Tall and quiet with a rural, Old West, no-nonsense integrity that doesn’t always mesh with the sometimes flakey, superficial, hedonistic, self-important, dunderheaded New West lifestyle of Malibu.

A genuinely decent, warm-hearted person dedicated to helping people (is he Mormon?), Cooper is a 19th Century soul who can feel lost in the 21st Century. He is the kind of guy to hold doors open for women, or take offense at a paparazzi and throw haymakers (off duty) but not the kind of guy to be too impressed by a movie star or a billionaire. He judges by character, talent and manners, not by wealth, title or attitude.

Cooper is in Malibu to fight fires, protect the public, save lives but he ends up in battles small and large: Cooper picks up pretty quick the animosity and mistrust between the citizens of Malibu and the firefighters. What seems to be a luxury posting is anything but: Cooper is alternately amused, appalled and aroused by the situations that confront him by land, sea and sky along the Malibu.

But he loves it. He ain’t in Gopher Crotch no more.

Fully dedicated to Station 00 as much as they need him, to unwind Cooper can ride his quarter horse Hep Kat into the Santa Monica Mountains - into terrain as surprisingly rugged and empty as Montana. And he can rinse off in the deep blue sea - in the ocean that mesmerizes Cooper with all it offers, from lobster to longboarding.

Cooper is the outsider joining a stressed-out fire crew in a high-pressure town. He is part of a good team lead by the solid Captain Peabody. He understands the mission and wants to help: What will he bring to the struggle to protect Malibu and restore the honor of Station 00?

QUIEN ES CAPTAIN PEABODY?

First two choices are Sean Penn and Rob Lowe because they’re from Malibu. Patrick Dempsey, Ed Norton, Neal McDonough and RDJ live in Malibu now. Gerard Butler lost a house in a Malibu fire. Josh Brolin surfs and lives in Malibu but has done a fire show. Jay Harrington is who I imagine Captain Peabody looks like. And Vigo Mortensen is just way cool.

CAPTAIN PEABODY: Jefe of Station 00, Captain Peabody is Ahab, overseeing the crew of the Pequod and firestorms are his white whale. In his 50s lean, tan, fit, silver-bearded - he could be a Viagra model. Captain Peabody’s long, distinguished career was besmirched by the Woolsey Fire - Malibu burned as firefighters suffered from lack of machines, man power, communications, coordination. He will not let that happen again.

Captain Peabody is called “Captain Jeopardy” by the crew of Station 00. He has an encyclopedic memory and is a dab hand at Jeopardy or Trivial Pursuit. If he challenges you to either game - especially for money - just say no.

Captain Peabody hand-picked Cooper to come to Malibu. He likes the cut of his jib and serves as an omnipotent and patient mentor to Cooper over a long, hot summer of accidents and brush inspections.

Captain Peabody warns Cooper about the dangers of Malibu from sexually-aggressive cougars to creosote bush.

BERTRAND ET JEAN LUC - THE SUPER SCOOPERS: Two funny, sarcastic, bombastic Bombardier pilots: French-Canadians who fly the orange and yellow Bombardier (sue-pair skoo-pair) Super Scoopers. In late summer they migrate south from Canada and are stationed at Van Nuys airport. They don’t like California, it’s hot and it’s dry. They aren’t keen on the Valley and pass the time pining for the fjords of BC and complaining about everything: coffee, bread, traffic, Americans.

But they love their Super Scoopers, which skim the water, scoop up 1622 gallons/13,000 pounds of water and deliver it point-blank into the heart of a fire: hard winds, smoke, no visibility, rough terrain.

The Super Scooper pilots are not paid well for incredibly skilled and treacherous flying, but they wouldn’t trade it for anything. They sleep aboard the planes when they can, mutter like Popeye in vulgar French, and are the Canuck version of Brock and Cheese - inseparable, Heckle and Jeckle, funny. Canuckadian!

QUI SONT LES PILOTES DE SUPER SCOOPER? (Must speak French)

First choice is Malibu resident David Charvet as Bertrand and then Vincent Cassel as Jean Luc: the grumpy, grumbling but super-skilled pilots of their Sue-pair, Skoo-pairs. Bradley Cooper also speaks French almost perfectly, as does Jodi Foster. Eva Green? Omar Sy? Who wouldn’t want to be a Super Scooper pilot?

NOLL: Strong as a bull and smarter than a cow - as they say in Montana. Noll is the muscle around Station 00. Tall, quiet, brave and a black belt prankster. Noll is the guy most likely to punch out a white shark or charge into a flaming building – and emerge roasting marshmallows. 

FLAMMES FATALES/THE FLAME GANG

THE FEMALE CONVICT FIRE FIGHTERS OF CAMP 13: One of the few all-female firefighter camps in California, Camp 13 is up Encinal Canyon.  Orange is the new Orange. Not sure of their interactions with Station 00, but there’s gotta be some comic/dramatic/romantic possibilities in a camp full of rascal, edgy female convict firefighters. Sheesh. (Maybe Cooper’s sister Rocky works as a cook part-time at Camp 13 so we see it from her angle: A pretty, young free woman around restless convicts. )

CAMP 13 STORY FROM LA WEEKLY: www.laweekly.com/whats-it-like-inside-the-all-women-inmate-firefighter-camp-in-malibu/

THE SPICOLI TWINS

BROCK AND CHEESE: Paramedics/surfers/musicians and talented at all three. They call their band “The Atomic Fireballs,” but their nickname around 00 is “The Spicoli Twins” or “Gage and Desoto” - an homage to Emergency!

Brock Little and Clark “Cheese” Chesser are best friends. When they aren’t working or surfing, they are talented musicians determined to make it in the music business, write a hit and earn enough to move out of the Valley and live on the beach, in Malibu. Heaven. (They almost get in trouble for pestering Rick Rubin to work with them) As goofy and borderline annoying as they are, when the shiznit hits the fan, Brock and Cheese are quick, competent, reliable pros - sharp as laser beams.

FACES OF MUNOZ

MUNOZ: A Latina (Hawaiian?) engineer who loooves to drive Big Red - a 30’, 410 HP, 20-ton, 2007 KME Predator Rescuer. And Little Red - the GMC “squad.” Munoz worked her way out of East LA (Waianae?) and isn’t 100% comfortable within the ultra-white teeth of Hollywood’s bedroom community. But she looooooves to drive. 

SHADES OF ULRICK

Just as Cliff Booth was too good looking to be a stuntman, Ulrick might be too good looking to be a firefighter. But she’s a widowed ex-model with something to prove. Workout junkie. Tough bird.

ULRICK: One of two female firefighters on Cooper’s shift at Station 00. Tall, lean, chic, Ulrick is in her 30s, the single mother of Tom.

She rolls a Tesla Plaid and lives in an expensive house, left behind by her husband who was killed by a speeding driver on PCH as he was moving garbage cans. Ulrick was a highly-paid, pampered model who was shattered by her husband’s death, which left her financially independent but lost. She trained and studied hard to become a firefighter - not an easy task for anyone but particularly a woman. Now Ulrick is obsessed with reducing speed and saving lives along PCH in Malibu, and up in the canyons. 

THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH CURREN

CURREN: The best nozzleman and best waterman on the crew. Won the Catalina Classic paddleboard race several times when he was younger and is kind of a Calenny - A California Kai Lenny - talented at the life aquatic: Kite surfing, standup paddleboarding, surfing, tow surfing, sailboarding.

Diving. Summer to fall, Curren scampers down the street and comes back with fresh-grabbed lobster and fresh-speared halibut and sheepshead for 00 bbqs. Station 00 has an aquarium with a pair of lobster as mascots. When Curren sees how mesmerized New Guy is by the ocean, he introduces Cooper to the Secrets of the Sea.

FLAME

FLAME: He’s a ginger. He's gay. Flaming haired and Irish, so he’s hot-tempered and sings like an angel. Like Cooper, his relationship with fire is sexual. Loves fire. Hates fire. Wants to beat the devil.

IKE THE QUEENSLAND HEELER

IKE THE DOG: A rescue dog who takes that title literally. Ike was awarded a Medal of Valor in Montana for rescuing very valuable horses from a flaming barn, and quickly becomes a rescuer of poodles in Malibu.

Kind of like Brandy, the loyal, smart and can-be-ferocious companion to Cliff Booth in Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood or Dinki Di, the loyal companion to Mad Max. Ike is a pure-bred Queensland Heeler cattle dog, which means he’s very smart, loyal, energized, ready for action.

Ike won a Medal of Valor in Montana for running into a burning barn and bringing out two very expensive quarter horses - which is how Cooper ended up with Hep Kat - a quarter-million-dollar quarter horse.

Ike helps Cooper win free rent in a Malibu guest house when he rescues a poodle snatched by a coyote and returns the dog to a deeply relieved and grateful Malibu matron.

Ike becomes the other Station 00 mascot, but the two lobster show no animosity, because Ike is humble and likeable.

SHADES OF IKE

THE EDGY, MISTRUSTFUL VOLUNTEER FIREFIGHTERS

THE EDGY VOLUNTEERS: The lack of organized response by county and state agencies during the 2007 Canyon and Corral Fires and the 2018 Woolsey Fire inspired groups of Malibu citizens to band together to defend their homes and the homes of their neighbors. There are loose affiliations like the Point Dume Bomberos, and organized and even well-equipped volunteer firefighters: The Malibu West Volunteer Fire Brigade and The Corral Canyon Fire Safety Alliance. The CCFSA formed in 2009 after the 2007 Corral Fire destroyed 80 structures, including 49 homes with another 27 damaged. With help from the band America and the community, CCFSA paid cash money for one engine which was designated Engine 271 after the volunteers passed “Call Firefighter” training with Los Angeles County. 

Trained and equipped and ready for whatever, the volunteers of CCFSA were stunned and amazed when Los Angeles County confiscated their engine during the 2018 Woolsey Fire - leaving them defenseless and exposed up Corral. It was a miscommunication with an outside fire captain but still = Bad vibes. That inspired a great deal of mistrust. What’s next? And what happens when the next fire breaks out?        

Story on the Malibu West Volunteer Fire Brigade: https://spectrumnews1.com/ca/la-west/wildfires/2022/09/28/in-the-malibu-west-fire-brigade--neighbors-help-neighbors-during-wildfires

Slideshow of surfers and volunteers bringing water and supplies into Paradise Cove: https://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-billionaire-with-yacht-pictures-photogallery.html

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From Christina Aguilera to Rachel Zoe, there’s a very long list of celebrities who portrayed themselves on Entourage (2004 - 2011), and probably a longer list of celebrities who waited for the phone to ring to be themselves on Entourage. 

Malibu Fire could be a second chance for some of Malibu’s citizen celebrities to play themselves, or some heightened/ exaggerated/comic/tragic version of themselves. Lady Gaga’s pyro bra for one but also maybe Pamela Anderson, Angelyne and Angelina, Beck & Bob Dylan, Sergei Brin, Jeff Bezos, Jeff Bridges, Pierce Brosnan, Gary Busey, David Charvet, Cher, Courteney Cox, Danny Devito, Robert Downey Jr., Fran Drescher, Minnie Driver, David Duchovny, Sam Elliott and Katharine Ross, Larry Ellison, Flea, Kenny G, Mel Gibson, Tom Hanks, Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell, Ed Harris and Amy Madigan, Jonah Hill, Tommy Lee and Mike D, Chris Martin, Nick Nolte, Ed Norton, Sean Penn, Brad Pitt, Axl Rose, Rick Rubin, Adam Sandler, Jane Seymour, Martin Sheen & Ohana, Steven Spielberg, Sting, Barbra Streisand, Betty Thomas, Dick van Dyke, Kanye West and dozens of other musicians, actors and techxecutives live in Malibu, or have homes there.

JONAH HILL: Do do do looking out his Colony backyard at Old Joes and Colony Reef, Jonah Hill is living la dolce vita local: basking in his success and the warm California sun, rolling in a Rivian, fighting off the Frauleins, experimenting with hair styles, reading intolerably long scripts and pitches (like this!), watching the ocean ebb and flow, surfing, staying healthy.  The dude can act and the dude can write and the dude is funny and maybe he would be the frontman to Malibu Fire as Mark Wahlberg was to Entourage - and consider a dual role – playing himself, but also some other dude - a fire starter or a dick head surfer or maybe a firefighter? 

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY: In the teaser for the pilot of Malibu Fire, the Texas actor lives along the cliffs of Point Dume. His backyard view into the ocean is regularly disturbed by the lurking presence of a giant white shark. He can see it, and he worries constantly about the oblivious swimmers and surfers who cannot see it - and also his wife and kids.  He calls Station 00 every time, but there is little firefighters can do about a 14-foot, two ton, federally protected predator.  The shark is a constant threat, and at some point in the summer, the threat becomes fatally real.

Perhaps MM would consider an ongoing role as himself in Malibu Fire?

MISS JULY: A punctual, predatory white shark that shows up in July and threatens swimming fools and movie stars. An ancestor of Miss July might have been responsible for the disappearance of two UCLA students in 1989, and Miss July is probably the shark that Vic and Joe punched out in 2007. 

Miss July might not actually be female, but it’s a clear and present danger to surfers and swimmers, including Ulrick’s son Tom, Matthew McConaughey, Cooper’s kayaking sister Rocky and anyone who uses the ocean between  Point Dume and the pier:  

Miss July story and links here: www.benmarcusrules.com/manfightsshark

TERRENCE HILL: He lives on Malibu Road. He’s 84. He looks good with that rascal twinkle in his eye. Cooper responds to a call on Malibu Road and is talking to a handsome elderly man and nearly has a heart attack when he realizes he is talking to The Movie Star Formerly Known as Mario Girotti aka Terrence Hill aka Nobody aka Lucky Luke. The actor who starred with Henry Fonda in My Name is Nobody - the most popular Spaghetti Western of all time. That’s a big deal to a cowboy from Montana. Cooper loses his cool & breaks the Unwritten Law and asks for a selfie with Nobody - who is pleased/shocked to be recognized and obliges. That makes Cooper’s day, week, life! Came? Or ongoing role?

LAIRD AND GABBY REECE-HAMILTON: Laird and Gabby are bi-coastal, wintering on Kauai where Laird rides mountains - used to be surfboards, then SUP and mostly on foils now. They are in Malibu half the year and are dedicated to keeping themselves physically fit, while working with everyone from Axl Rose to Christian McCaffrey to Rick Rubin. One imagines Laird and Gabby can do shtick like Ricky and Lucy, and it could be fun if they would play themselves as physical trainers for the fire fighters - under orders from Captain Peabody who demands peak fitness from his crews.

Laird and Gabby are funny and effective as they put everyone through grueling routines in and out of the water to keep them physically fit enough to haul hoses, climb houses and fight fires fully geared up in hot, dry winds.

And for the Big Finish Laird might re-create the truly dramatic battle he put up to save his home in Latigo Canyon during the Woolsey Fire. He won, but others didn’t.

Read all about Laird and friend staying, fighting, sweating, winning and then splitting! www.theinertia.com/surf/laird-hamilton-posts-while-defending-home-from-the-woolsey-fire-as-malibu-residents-evacuate/

SHADES OF TOM

Love Actually x Don Rickles x Young Sheldon x Home Alone x Sixth Sense = Every 10-year-old kid in Hollywood is gonna fiend to be Tom.

YOUNG TOM: If Don Rickles mated with a Leprechaun, the result would be Tom: Ulrick’s pint-size, scary-smart, precocious, wise-cracking 10-year-old son. Knows more than a kid should and shares it in a relentless rapid-fire rap. He adores Hep Kat and Ike and starts to see Cooper as a father figure. “I’m gonna have to take you under my wing,” Tom says to Cooper - who learns a lot from Tom and starts calling him TomNipotent. Tom challenged Captain Peabody at Jeopardy and almost beats him.

Tom is a Dronista not always in control of his remote controlled flying machine and is one of the possible fire starters when the winds blow. He also has brushes with Miss July that could be fatal.

RICHARD “DICK” HEAD: AKA Dick Head, because he is. A local Malibu surfer who has lived his whole life between County Line and Dukes, and feels he owns every inch of it. Richie Head is bitter the firefighters didn't save his house during the Woolsey fire. He stalks, taunts and records the crew of Station 00, kind of like the sidelines golf heckler in Happy Gilmore. At sea, Dick Head is renowned for kicking his surfboard, pushing and dropping in and just generally living up to his name. This guy doesn’t discriminate by age, creed or religion and he has a confrontation with Cooper - who is learning to surf - that turns into an ongoing conflict: Entitled local surfer versus Vulnerable Adult Learner/firefighter. Cooper stays humble and keeps his head for long enough but at some point the Black Irish/Blackfoot Indian bubbles up.

PERHAPS JUSTIFIABLY ANGRY MALIBU HOMEOWNERS: Richard “Dick” Head is one the more aggressively arrogant/rude/angry members of a group of Malibu citizens who are plenty angry at the Gods and Station 00 for the devastation left in the wake of the Woolsey Fire. The evil, sad truth about Malibu firestorms is Malibu is screwed when they happen. No amount of humans resistance will halt the advance of the fire, and it would take thousands of firefighters, hundreds of engines and tankers, many squadrons of Super Scoopers and water-dropping helicopters and millions of gallons of water to protect every house and property in Malibu. Everyone knows they are making a devil’s bargain when building a home in Malibu, but these citizens still take it out on Station 00, who should have lead the defense of the city but were overwhelmed.

In the teaser to Episode 1, Matthew McConaughey (or some other celebrity) calls Station 00 to complain about a white shark behind his house, but that morphs into him barking at Captain Peabody and Munoz for having to buy that cliff-side house because his other house burned to nothing. This is something Cooper picks up on very fast, when he puts on the Malibu Fire uniform. The people of Malibu are plenty pissed and they firehose their anger at Station 00.

ROCKY/RAQUEL: Cooper's sister's name is Raquel, but her nickname is Rocky, as in Rocket J Squirrel, as in Rocky and Bullwinkle. Like Cooper, Rocky is a flexy flyer who likes to jump from things: parachutist, parapenter, BASE jumper, wingsuit flyer - and now in Malibu a kite surfer. Rocky drives Cooper’s rig with Hep Kat and Ike to Malibu, finds she likes it and sticks around for the summer to earn enough money to do an around the world tour of all the best BASE jumping and skysuit locations. Rocky has worked in fire camps as a cook and that gets her a job at Predilections - a famous/infamous Malibu Rehab facility (Or Camp 13? Both?Maybe a catering service that services lots of places). Through her raised eyebrows and occasionally startled eyes, we see the dramas as troubled celebrities and citizens pay $50,000+ a month to take the cure.

PEPPERDINE GIRLS: Roaming in hierarchical packs, lots of them, groomed and hot, sometimes smart, occasionally drunk (off campus), often in trouble.  One of the many facets of Malibu that has Cooper bewitched, bothered and flummoxed is the quantity and quality of really beautiful girls.

At some point Cooper asks: “Does Pepperdine require 8” x 10” glossies with their SATs??!?!??” There are a lot of damsels in distress around Pepperdine and the men of Station 00 are always ready, willing and able to respond.

GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!: Citizens from Macao to Michigan to Maroubra tuning into a TV show about a fire station in Malibu will be expecting some T and A - and Malibu Fire will not disappoint - tastefully. Stylishly. The truth is, there are just a lot of extraordinarily pretty, sexy, beautiful, polished, smart, dumb, classy and/or trashy girls of every stripe in Malibu. They come for the waters. They live for the sun. They are attracted by fame. By money. By surfer boys. By la dolce vita. They come to surf First Point or dine at Nobu. Goth girls, skinny girls, girls who climb on rocks. Tough girls. LGBTQ girls. Even girls who don’t wear socks.

THE MANY FLAVORS OF MISTY

MISTY: An outwarldy pretty, sexy, healthy young woman who is deeply emotionally unstable. Rocky sums her up: "An alphabet soup and tiramisu of neuroses” with flavors of ADHD, CTE, THCenility, narcissism, bad family, borderline personality disorder and just life its ownself. Misty is homeless but this is Malibu so she lives in a $75,00 Range Rover and wears thousands of dollars in nice clothes and accoutremental.

Misty’s scrambled brain needs stimulation and she finds some sanity in the ocean - the Blue Mind. She is out standup paddling when she is jumped by Miss July - the punctual white shark.

Misty is scared to death that she is gonna die because she is about to die very badly - but she's rescued by Cooper and Curren who beat up the shark and save her.

Misty is grateful and rewards Cooper in many ways. But then the relationship devolves into a combination of Misery x Fatal Atrraction x Basic Instinct x Girl Interrupted.

It gets ugly as Cooper has his first encounter with a feral cougar - and a woman who is mentally unbalanced in ways that are somewhat unique to Southern California.

But Cooper and his sister Rocky are good people who have dealt with mental illness in their own (Blackfoot/Black Irish) family. Instead of calling the cops or filing restraining orders or getting violent, Cooper and Rocky team up to bring Misty back down to earth. They are decent, kind people and they have an effect on a deeply troubled woman.

MALIBU COUGARS AND JAGUARS: Malibu has sharks and stingrays and rattlesnakes and coyote and even the occasional black bear, but perhaps the most aggressive and potentially dangerous animals are the Cougars of Malibu.

There are a lot of older women - and men - in Malibu who used to be young, sexy women - and men - and they absolutely refuse to believe they are older and will do anything not to lose their powers.

Some of these people are wealthy having killed, eaten or otherwise disposed of their husbands/wives/sugar daddies/mommas. They have money and time on their hands and they invest their time into chasing handsome younger men: Like Cooper - the new kid in town mixed with Life in the Fast Lane: “She’s got a lot of pretty pretty boys, she calls friends.”

Cooper is tall and lean and handsome and upright and polite - his pronouns are “sir” and “ma’am” - and a fireman, for God’s sake, they’re so hot right now! - and a lot of Malibu cougars and jaguars find Cooper irresistible and lose their cool, manners and sense of decorum.

Cooper doesn’t know how to handle the attention at first, and then it becomes a problem, as the cougars and jaguars of Malibu compete for Cooper’s attention: Knowing when he is on duty, coming by the station house and making fake 9/11 calls so the handsome man from Montana will respond. Cooper takes a lot of teasing from his fellow firefighters until at some point it’s not funny.

RICH DUDES IN MANSIONS

THE SON OF THE DICTATOR: A fictional character based on Teodorin Nguema Obiang Mangue, the son of the dictator of Equatorial Guinea. His official title was Head of Forestry and his official salary was €3,200/£2,700/$3300 a a month, but he paid $26,000,000 for a lavish mansion overlooking Surfrider Beach.

He is understandably private and when the firefighters of Station 00 knock on his door for a summer brush inspection they are met by guards with AK-47s who aren’t having it.

Maybe this son of the dictator is protected by diplomatic immunity or the State Department or just lotsa money, but he refuses to listen to the fire fighters and brushes off the brush inspections. In the end, he pays dearly, as a fire ignites the very trees and brush the fire fighters wanted him to trim back, and he loses everything: Mansion, Taylor Swift collection, car collection, leopards and monkeys. His life? 

France Imnpounds African Autocrats “ill-gotten gains:” www.theguardian.com/world/2012/feb/06/france-africa-autocrats-corruption-inquiry

Malibu Bad Neighbor from LA Weekly January 2007: www.laweekly.com/malibu-bad-neighbor/

THE MAHARIJI: An extremely wealthy Indian man who lives in an enormous pink house in the Malibu hills overlooking the ocean.

When the Maharaji wanted to build a helicopter pad in his backyard, LA County said “No!”

When the Maharaji offered to build a helicopter re-watering station for the LA County helicopters, the County said “Yes!” So he built a thoroughly modern, $5-million-dollar landing pad that drains his swimming pool directly into the LA County fire helicopters. True story. He lives above Trancas.

Los Angeles Times story from 1985 about landing his helicopter: www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1985-04-11-we-12015-story.html

TOURISTS: A lot of them, sometimes doing something stupid: crashing their cars, getting swept out to sea, diving off Rindge Dam, stepping on stingrays, starting fights, getting drunk, getting lost, sunburned, stuck on cliffs. And always always always asking the lifeguards and fire fighters about Baywatch, and where’s CJ??!?!

MOTORCYCLE RIDERS: Up in the hills, the Mulholland Highway is considered better than any closed-circuit motorcycle track in the country. Every weekend there is a regular game of cat and mouse between motorcyclists on their high-tech bikes, and the cops. A high percentage of the Code Three ambulance calls are for motorcycle accidents. Wouldn’t be impossible for a riderless motorcycle to spark a brushfire. And if the wind is blowing…

Go Pro view of a rider going over the edge on Mulholland. Happens often: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pu_FUhPx_NI

RASCAL BILLIONAIRES: People with that much money feel they are immortal and immune from commoners' law for the little people. So they do stupid stuff, all the time, like wrap million-dollar sports cars around light poles, walk away and point fingers at others. Screwin’ and suin’ are the pastimes of people with this much money on their hands, and the firefighters of Station 00 are often bailing these guys out of trouble.

The story on the speedy Swede: www.theregister.com/2006/02/23/eriksson_ferrari_crash/

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Out on Point Dume, this 7,000 square foot garage has room for 25 vehicles: “The facility is very secure, featuring a brand new surveillance system and a high entry gate. The 800 square-foot second floor includes a bedroom and three bathrooms, meaning you can literally live in your garage. Isn't that every car enthusiast's goal in life?

SAMPLES OF MALIBU CAR PORN

Malibu has become a mecca for motorheads young and old and one feature of Malibu Fire will be lavish lashings of Car Porn.

Sit at Malibu Kitchen (RIP) on a summer Sunday and you might see Jerry Seinfeld, Spike Feresten, Patrick Dempsey, Jay Leno, Matt Farah and other car aficionados pulling up in a luscious variety of rare, fast, chic, modern, low slung, high tech and expensive cars from Bullit to The Jetsons: 20th Century vintage droolers and 21st Century speeders that aren’t yet available to the public.

These cars are featured throughout Malibu Fire  in many ways: good and bad. Sexy and stupid. Benign and dangerous. Hot and cold. 

At risk of being too politically correct and turning off most of America: Along with all the fancy fossil fuel burning “stinkpots,” there are probably more electric vehicles and chargers per capita in Malibu than anywhere outside of Palo Alto and Oslo. Malibu Fire could be a showcase for the electric future - because Malibu really does provide a glimpse into the future. And the future is electric.

Malibu Fire could be the show for Elon Musk to unveil his new Tesla Roadster and/or CYBRTRCK - when the time is right. 

Fictionally, Mr. Green is a Malibu citizen who made a great deal of money investing in Tesla and other Green New Deal deals. He lives in a house that is 100% renewable and has a warehouse where he stores every electric car available and also electric motorcycles and ebikes. This becomes a hazard for Station 00 at some point - who take new training to deal with electric car fires - but Mr. Green is also a poster boy for electric cars and renewable energy and the Green New Deal - maybe too California for some.

The McLaren Elva. This is the kind of futuristic car you see around Malibu. A rarity elsewhere, common as cockroaches around the Malibu: 203 MPH, 0 - 60 in 2.8 seconds, $1,700,000+ = no windshield or roof? Gotta drive with a helmet. Could they have thrown in a windshield?

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Car porn, but also house porn. Mansion porn. Estate porn. Twenty million dollar beach cottage and million-dollar mobile home porn.  Money and sophisto taste meet in swift collision in Malibu: home to a lot of world class-fancy cottages, homes, houses, estates and mansions. 

CASTLE KASHAN AND THE NEW CASTLE

Where Castle Kashan burned in the 2007 Canyon Fire, you’ll find Scott Gillen’s New Castle. The guest house is 4500 s/f, FFS and the 11,000 s/f main house features a 27-foot long sofa, infinity pool, wine cellar and 30 foot sliding glass doors. Marked down from $80,000,000 to $45,000,000. From the outside looking in it’s so so - some say it looks like a hospital. But from the inside looking out….

To most civilians what is hidden away behind landscaping and gates and high walls is open to the firefighters of Station 00 - responding to emergency calls or on summer brush inspections. 

Malibu Fire is Architectural Digest come to life: Cher’s Moorish palace, the New Castle, the Lautner mid-Century moderns on Carbon Beach and in the Colony, the Eric Lloyd Wright house overlooking it all. The lost worlds of Serra Retreat and Ramirez Canyon. Some of the finest houses in California and the world are located in Malibu - from sea level to 2000 feet up on top of Saddle Peak. This show will show them off.

ERIC LLOYD-WRIGHT’S AERIE OVERLOOKS IT ALL.

IRON MAN AND CHARLIE HARPER’S HOMES

Movie and TV buffs Cooper and Rocky naively go looking for Tony Stark’s cliffside house from Iron Man and also the beach home from Two and a Half Men, only to learn those homes were fictions. But the reality of Malibu homes is more stylishly extravagant than fiction.

THE WINDOW INTO GRIFF SNYDER’S POOL

The window looking into the swimming pool of the house Griff Snyder (RIP 1948 - 2020) built on Wildlife Road is one of many hidden wonders scattered around Malibu. Lucia Griggi and I helped C___ C___ do a photo shoot there for a project he was working on and it turned out great.

In Malibu Fire, a modeling or movie shoot goes wrong in that pool, and Station 00 responds, with Brock and Cheese diving into the pool as seen through that window. And maybe this is where Laird and Gabby put the firefighters through their paces with their underwater workouts. That window is cool.

Griff Snyder sold that house and bought the old Rindge Bunkhouse behind Station 71 and fixed it up nice. If this is where Cooper ends up, he’ll feel at home.

MID-CENTURY MODERN MASTERPIECES: STEVENS AND SIEGEL

John Lautner’s The Stevens House in Malibu Colony is one of several classics of mid-Century modern in Malibu. Ed Norton owns this house now. If we give him a role maybe he’ll let us shoot there? Lautner also designed the Siegel house on Carbon Beach, which was owned then sold by David Arquette and Courteney Cox to the McCourts.

JENNIFER GROSSMAN’S SCORPIESSE AT THE TOP OF CORRAL

Jennifer “JAG” Grossman owns a house she calls Scorpiesse at the top of Corral Canyon. The house burned to nothing during the 2007 Corral Fire - just gone! I saw all the sweat and fret Jennifer went through to rebuild. And then I thought for sure she would lose her house again in the Woolsey Fire. Somehow she escaped it. In this pilot I use Scorpiesse as the home for Ulrick - a spectacular view of the Santa Monica Bay in a very dangerous place. Everything’s okay until it isn’t.

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Malibu Fire could be laced with musical surprises: Like Episode 1 ending with a Miserlou jam, feat. Flea blowing the trumpet solo backed by Malibu All Stars. I’ll buy that for a dollar.

THE MALIBU ALL STAR BAND

Going back to the Roaring Twenties, Malibu is and has been home to a variety of great musicians of all flavors: Jack Benny, Jascha Heiffetz, Burt Bacharach (RIP), Joni Mitchell and currently Pat Benatar and Neil Giraldo, Anthony Keidis and Flea, Tom Commerford, Neil Young, Richard Marx, Beck, Mike D, Chris Martin, Lady Gaga, composer Hans Zimmer, super producer Rick Rubin - among many others.

Fictionally in Malibu Fire, Brock and Cheese are talented and aspiring musicians who call themselves The Atomic Fireballs. They want to write a hit song and get rich and move out of the valley.  The pilot ends with Brock and Cheese playing You’re So Square behind Flame and it sounds good. But an alternative ending - maybe spiced into the credits - is written like this at the end of the pilot:

Or end with a cool, variety show performance by a Malibu super group. How about Mike D or Tommy Lee or Lady Gaga on drums, Beck or Neil Giraldo on guitar, Chris Martin or Lady Gaga or Beck on keyboards and Flea playing bass but also trumpet. Would be way cool to end the show with a ripping performance of Misirlou with Flea setting down his bass to wail that trumpet solo. Anthony Keidis or Gary Busey or Matthew McConaughey or Kanye West on bongos or cow bell shouting those “Ha! Ha! HAAAAAWWWS!” How cool would that be? 

The Malibu Super Group would be a cool surprise and Malibu Fire could feature music like old school shows The Lucy Show and The Monkees or Hard Day’s Night: Brock and Cheese hang around Rick Rubin's Shangri La studio as he works with whoever’s in town and maybe they are good enough to do session work.

In 2012 America performed a benefit concert for the Corral Canyon Fire Safety Alliance so maybe Beck or Jack Johnson or Adam Levine could do a benefit for a fictional Malibu volunteer fire department.

Or a well known but troubled musician in Predilections rehab makes himself and the other guests feel better by performing. A musical performance every episode? Probably not, but sprinkled around season one as nice surprises could be as cool as Flea blowing his trumpet for the solo for Misirlou.

CAFE HABANA KARAOKE NIGHT

Before Covid, one of the most social, musical nights in Malibu was karaoke night at Cafe Habana. A room full of noise and dangerous boys and girls, and sometimes a real musician would take the mic: Kid Rock or Tim Commerford or Gary Busey or Sting or John McEnroe. Maybe that could become a musical facet of Malibu Fire.

Cafe Habana owners Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber partying with Wayne Gretzky and Chris Chelios and John McEnroe in 2016 (I was there that night, looked like a costume party with a celebrity theme, but it was really them)

Kid Rock rocking karaoke at Cafe Habana:

Sting singing She Drives Me Crazy at Cafe Habana.

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There’s a lot of money in Malibu - with a median household income of $178,594 and a per capita income of $120,395 it’s one of the wealthiest cities in a state with a $3.3 trillion GDP and the fourth largest economy in the world. The wealth is more nouveau than places like Montauk and Newport, and Malibu is a place that prides itself on its somewhat hiddenness and lack of ostentation - and yet there are glimpses of this wealth, as well-dressed and accoutered men and women walk high-bred dogs keeping time with $50,000 watches and $300 t-shirts and all the trappings of wealth. These will be on display in Malibu Fire also.

Cooper’s even a little guilty, as Hep Kat is a quarter-million-dollar quarter horse, a gift from a grateful Montana citizen to reward Cooper - and Ike - for rescuing some high-bred horses during a Montana wildfire.

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Caveat Reader: This inventory of episodes is partial & sketchy and just sample ideas which will evolve once a crack writing team gets involved.

Hopefully each of the parts will add up to a greater whole, as Cooper joins Station 00 on a summer of protection, all leading up to a fire in the fall.

Pilot = Corral Canyon/Big Sky = Memorial Day: Still smoky from jumping into a firestorm in Montana, Cooper is picked up at LAX on Memorial Day and driven into Malibu, where he immediately sees the dangers of the place by land, sea, air and PCH. He meets Pam Anderson at a Little League game, rescues a girl who steps on a stingray, falls in love with the ocean at first sight, meets the crew of Station 00 and sees a lot of hot cars and cute girls and a different kind of Big Sky. The firefighters of Station 00 respond to Matthew McConaughey worried about a white shark behind his house, then take flack from McConaughey and other angry citizens as they respond to a high-speed crash in west Malibu. After a long day, a birthday party for Captain Peabody ends in tragedy.

Heart of the Country = June: To the tune of Heart of the Country by Wings, Cooper looks high, looks low, looking for a place to live - stunned by the price of rent in Malibu - and talked out of living in the Valley by all his new teammates. Up in the hills, he is confronted by a “fence wrecker” of a horse gone wild in the middle of the road, and a Malibu matron freaking out about damaging her valuable cutting horse. 

You can take the boy out of the country… Cooper reaches behind the seat of his Ford, pulls out a rope, brings the horse down, whispers to it. The grateful woman offers free rent in a beautiful guest house high in the mountains. (Maybe use Griff’s old Rindge bunkhouse as an interior?) 

Down by the seaside, Cooper is talking to another Malibu matron who also freaks out when a coyote runs out in broad daylight and snatches her cherished poodle Saucisson. Like Cliff Booth and Brandy, Cooper clicks a subtle “Go!” to Ike, who takes off. After some squealing off camera, Ike trots back with the poodle. The poodle owner is deeply relieved her Saucisson was saved and offers Cooper and Ike a room right on the beach. Now Cooper faces the decision all Malibu residents must reckon with: living on the beach or up in the hills. 

Settling in with the crew of Station 00, Curren sees Cooper is beguiled by surfing and starts to teach him the Secrets of the Sea. Cooper has a run in with Richard Head - aka Dick Head - a local surfer who doesn’t like beginners, doesn’t like firemen and Cooper is both.

ALL SUMMER LONG

All Summer Long = June: The Beach Boys All Summer Long is a somewhat sarcastic theme song when the first of many summer brush inspections at Cher’s Moorish former mansion leads to an encounter with two security guards armed with AK47s who deny access to Captain Peabody, Cooper and Munoz. Cooper says he’s had Ak47s pointed at him before, but never by security guards in California. He begins to learn about the hidden danger of Malibu and tries to imagine how winds could turn the place into an inferno.

AGOURAPHOBIA

Agouraphobia = June:. To the tune of Ape Man by The Kinks or Too Many People by John Lennon or Fire/Firestarter by The Prodigy Cooper rides Hep Kat into a secluded canyon and meets Potential Fire Starter Noah the Ecoterrorist. Outwardly friendly, he grows a powerful strain of cannabis called Malibu Fire. He offers Cooper some weed but Cooper declines. 

As Cooper rides off we follow Noah as he executes a destructive ecoterrorist act somewhere in SoCal: Torching a stinkpot dealership or a strip mall. Returning to Malibu he drives by a sewage plant or retail development under construction or a smokey, noisy Cars and Coffee meeting and his grimace says it all: It must burn.

Noah is afflicted by "Agouraphobia." He does not want Malibu to be overdeveloped into the valley. Talking to Cooper, he introduces the terms  “stinkpot” and “Agouraphobia.”

PAPARAZZI

Paparazzi = June/July Cooper has a deep dark, secret: He loves Lady Gaga. That’s not something a Montana cowboy says publically, so he keeps it to himself, deep down inside. On a brush inspection with Brock and Cheese, Cooper is secretly jazzed to discover this is Lady Gaga’s spread. And she’s home. Not only is she home, she is out on the balcony or in her backyard experimenting with her sparking, flaming pyro-bra. Someone has to ask/tell her to cool it, and Cooper is the guy. He approaches her and explains their concern, and there is a spark between them. Lady Gaga knows a fan when she talks to one, and this one happens to be 6’4” and handsome. And polite! They communicate and connect, and that leads to Gaga asking Cooper to accompany/escort/protect her to a show in Los Angeles. Cooper gets a taste of Hollywood life high and low, riding in a limousine, wearing nice clothes, mingling with celebrities. But when Gaga is harassed by paparazzi, Cooper sees red and starts throwing haymakers. Cooper is like Cliff Booth in some ways: Outwardly serene but goes off when angered.

FLAMMES FATALES/THE FLAME GANG

Flames Fatales = June: To the tune of one of the greatest rock and roll songs of all time - Fire by Jimi Hendrix - we meet the female convict firefighters of Camp 13 - the Flames Fatales. The Flame Gang? They take a shine to the tall, dark and polite New Guy from Montana. They want to stand next to his fire, and this is the start of no small amount of trouble Cooper has with lonely/ aggressive/ sexually repressed women in Malibu. Coyote? Mountain lions? The cougars of Malibu are all over Cooper - phoning in false incidents, hanging around the station. Girl Trouble. 

POLICE AND THIEVES

Police and Thieves = June or later: To Police and Thieves by The Clash, a citizen witnesses one of those smash and grab heists at a Malibu jeweler. Instead of putting it on Tiktok, the citizen sees red and runs over two of the robbers and smashes their getaway car. Station 00 responds to two badly injured thieves.

“Tesla” rearranged is “Steal” and two smash and grabbers see their getaway car is no more. They invade Starstrucks kind of like in the Dirty Harry movie scene at the coffee shop. To defuse the situation, Mr. Green tells the robbers to take his Tesla - he’ll find it: “Ever driven a Tesla? Now’s your chance.” The robbers jack the CYBRTRCK thinking their gonna make good their getaway, but Mr. Green pulls out a smartphone, hits a few buttons and takes control of the car. The Tesla is going around in circles so the thieves panic, pull guns and try to shoot their way out. But those Tesla windows really are bulletproof. Cops arrive and arrest the smash and grabbers. Mr. Green retrieves the unscratched CYBRTRCK, smiling quietly to himself.

JUMP/THE REHAB ARCHIPELAGO

Jump/The Rehab Archipelago = July: To the tune of Van Halen’s Jump! we get a glimpse inside Predilections Rehab, where Rocky is a cook dealing with a lot of kooks: sex fiends, drug addicts, alcoholics - at $100,000 a month. One of the guests is a pyromaniac who takes a shine to Rocky and becomes a Possible Fire Starter - kind of like Mark David Chapman with Jody Foster.

To ease stress, Rocky does her first wingsuit stunt. Hiring a helicopter/airplane with other tourists, she steps out high over Malibu and flies a wingsuit run down a canyon that passes directly over Predilections and ends up with her parachuting to the beach. The helicopter comes around to see her finish on the beach and maybe they catch a first glimpse of Miss July - and that’s when another passenger also decides to jump out, but without a parachute. He drowns. Cooper, Cheese, Brock and others who are on the beach to recover Rocky after her jump end up paddling out to sea to try and recover the suicidal helicopter jumper.

THE FOURTH OF JULY
Skyrockets in Flight = July 4th: To the tune of Afternoon Delight or maybe Fireworks by Katy Perry, it’s the Fourth of July in Malibu. Billionaires compete with each other to do the best private shows, the traffic is horrendous and block emergency vehicles, there are huge beach parties from one end to the other, tourists are lighting off fireworks up in the canyons: What could possibly go wrong? Maybe this is the episode to re-create the balcony collapse of May 2021. The rescue made that much more problematic by the traffic snarl.

MISS JULY

Miss July = third week of July: To the tune of Shark Attack by Split Enz, Cooper and Curren are standup paddling along Malibu when they come to the rescue of a woman kayaker being harassed by a very large white shark. They work together to fight the thing off, but Cooper is really shook by the size, power and aggressiveness of that white shark and a near-death incident. (This would re-create the incident involving Vic Calandra and Joey Everett.)

The song Shark Attack is about an aggressive woman “Well she chewed me up and she spat me out I didn't want to meet a man eater! Shark attack!” The rescued woman takes a shine to Cooper and invites him for dinner, and that begins Cooper’s first experience with a Malibu Cougar - more dangerous than any shark. A Cougar Shark.

Surf Punks = July/August: To the tune of My Beach by the Surf Punks, a crew of local Malibu surfers attempt a prank where they imitate Miss July and swim a big shark fin through the lineup to scare away the crowd. The prank backfires and the surfers are caught. But this introduces a group of surfers who are fed up with the crowds at Malibu - they hack Surfline, vandalize surf cameras, harass outsiders and later in the fall they learn of a huge, historic swell coming and plot to spark a “small” brushfire that will close PCH long enough for them to surf epic First Point with locals only. More Possible Fire Starters.

The 76 sign at Corral and PCH is dressed as a jack o’ lantern every Halloween, but it becomes something spinning and evil when the Devil Winds blow. 

SANTA ANAS IN THE MORNING, FIREFIGHTERS TAKE WARNING

SANTA ANAS ALL DAY, CITIZENS RUN AWAY - OR STAY

Gods and Frauds = Halloween: Like the two-hour pilot of the show, the two-hour finale begins with a gust of Santa Ana winds descending and speeding all the way from the desert to Malibu, spins the 76 sign at Corral dressed to look like a pumpkin and signals the start of fire season. 

However the fire starts and whoever starts it, the firestorm erupts on Halloween - making the firefighters’ jobs that much harder as Malibu is loaded with people, traffic is terrible and kids and parents are freaking out.

How does the fire start? Force Majeure? Noah the ecoterrorist? The dumb surfers? The insurance grifters? A Rube Goldberg combination of them?

It all comes to a head in the finale: Which Malibu citizens stay and which go? Who is injured or killed staying behind to fight the fire?

Does anyone benefit from the fire? Losing a house and taking the money to retire? Are the firefighters more coordinated, learning lessons from the chaos of the Woolsey Fire?

Safe and Sound  = Halloween: To the tune of Safe and Sound (which reminds me of my mom) it will take two episodes to fight the big fire and bring all the story lines to a conclusion. Malibu Fires shift around with the wind and that cause huge headaches for firefighters. Add to that lack of water pressure and bad communications and a dozen other factors, and the whole deal sucks.

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Malibu is stranger than fiction, and the foundation of Malibu Fire will re-create many famous/infamous incidents from Malibu myth, legends, rumors and lies. 

In 2007, firefighter Joey Everett (smiling/incredulous, left) came to the rescue of Corral Canyon citizen Vic Calandra (forever grateful, right), who was being molested and harassed by a 14-foot white shark, a mile out to sea off Cher’s house during the Tommy Zahn paddleboard race from Zuma Beach to Malibu. Everett charged the shark on his paddleboard and punched it out, while Calandra pounded on it with his paddle. The shark eventually buggered off, and those two alerted Baywatch and finished the race. Full story here with more on Miss July: 

www.benmarcusrules.com/manfightsshark

Vic and Joe both survived without a scratch and the creator of Malibu Fire recommended Everett for a Medal of Valor, asking: “If charging a 14-foot white shark a mile out to sea and punching it out isn’t valorous, what is?” 

LACO awarded him. That was all balls and one of the incidents that inspired this TV series idea.

Malibu Fire will dramatize that close encounter, and many, many other true incidents - that are stranger than fiction. That shark - Miss July - is a recurring character and a presence and someone does get chomped and it’s tragic.

Malibu is stranger than fiction. You don’t have to fictionalize the reality of Malibu one bit to make it gripping TV. Malibu is stranger than fiction. No kidding.

TRUE INCIDENTS FOR MALIBU FIRE TO RE-CREATE.

CAITLYN JENNER’S FATAL CRASH AT PCH AND CORRAL CANYON

The deadly accident at Corral Canyon involving Caitlyn Jenner in July 2015.

EXCLUSIVE: See First Footage of Caitlyn Jenner's Car Crash

JESSICA SIMPSON’S POODLE SNATCHED BY COYOTE

Jessica Simpson’s Maltipoo Daisy snatched in front of her eyes in September 2009.

www.tmz.com/2009/09/15/jessica-simpson-coyote-took-my-doggy/

REHABISTA STEALS LEXUS, ALMOST KILLS MOTORCYCLIST

November 2022: Rehabista Steals SUV and Almost Kills Motorcyclist on PCH and Kanan Road.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11474559/Horrific-moment-Malibu-motorcyclist-struck-flying-truck-three-vehicle-fatal-crash.html

SURFERS VS PAPARAZZI FIGHT AT POINT DUME

Surfers vs Paparazzi at Point Dume in October of 2010

Tony echevarria Paparazzi Videos Fight Club! Surfers Vs. Paparazzi At Malibu Beach

SPLITTING A FERRARI AT 190 MPH AND WALKING AWAY

Swedish gangster Stefan Eriksson splitting his Ferrari in half on PCH in 2016

Stefan Eriksson's Million Dollar Ferrari Enzo CRASH

KITE SURFER THROWN INTO PCH TRAFFIC

Kite surfer thrown into Great Ocean Highway in San Francisco

https://abc7news.com/san-francisco-kite-surfer-hit-great-highway-by-car-sf/970765/

KOBE BRYANT (THIS MIGHT BE TABU, BUT MAYBE NOT)

Kobe Bryan and daughter killed in a helicopter crash on the other side of the Santa Monica Mountains.

https://www.cnn.com/2021/02/09/us/kobe-bryant-crash-ntsb-investigation-report/index.htm

WHERE THERE’S SMOKE…
Smoke from Puerco Canyon movie shoot causes panic

https://malibutimes.com/article_f556b3f8-8911-11e8-999d-f3466e487d6b

MAN COMMITS SUICIDE FROM A HELICOPTER

Man commits suicide jumping from helicopter in September 2017.

Man Dies After Jumping From Helicopter Off Coast Of Malibu

THE BALCONY COLLAPSE

The infamous Malibu Balcony Collapse from May 2021

Malibu Balcony Collapse

WESTLEY/DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS BIT BY RATTLESNAKE

Joe Montana and his wife rescue their granddaughter from an intruder who broke into their house on Carbon Beach. Maybe the paramedics respond to the injured kidnapper. Click here.

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MERCHANDISE 

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A popular Malibu Fire will spawn a line of merchandise in t-shirts, patches, stickers, action dolls, toy trucks, Halloween costumes, swimwear, posters, towels and who knows what else.

I’ve asked an illustrator to do the Station 00 patch, which is a flaming red wave curling over, with a calm, wise, ever-watchful owl in the tube wearing fire-fighting equipment riding a board with OO on the nose. 
Across the top it reads: CITY OF MALIBU FIRE STATION 00 

And across the bottom is the Latin slogan:  “Omnia bene, donec non bene.” which means “Everything’s okay until it isn’t.”

PRODUCT PLACEMENTS

Because Malibu Fire is about the good, the bad and the ugly of California it will have an environmental consciousness that some will find annoying and others will applaud. Because the city of Malibu is a cutting edge showplace when it comes to electric cars and chargers, Malibu Fire could be a showplace for the good, the bad, the New Hotness and the flammable of electric vehicles. 

If Jonah Hill is involved he is a poster boy for the Rivian, but there are possible product placements for the Tesla Roadster and CYBRTRCK, the Ford F 150 Lightning, the Volkswagen ID Buzz electric van and whatever else is coming in electric vehicle world.

Also electric bicycles. SONDORS would be cool as they are a home grown Malibu product.

Beyond that: Lululemon, Atomic Fireballs, Starbucks, Whole Foods, InNOut and Broad Street Oyster Co, which was established in Malibu and is rapidly expanding to Miami, San Francisco, Santa Barbara.

SPINOFFS: MALIBU REHAB AND FLAMES FATALES/FLAME GANG

Malibu Fire spends a lot of time responding to trouble and strife in the Rehab Archipelago and Raquel/Rocky works in one, so Malibu Fire will spin off a show about Malibu Rehab and all that goes on in there. 

Or maybe Camp 13/Flames Fatales/Flame Gang - the all women’s convict fire camp, which will play a part in Malibu Fire and spin off into something along the lines of Orange is the New Black.

SEASON 2 = MALIBU FLOODS

Season 2 could be about global warming, climate change and Malibu being hit by an atmospheric river even worse than January 2023 - torrential rains flood the fire-stripped creeks, rivers, cliffs and valleys of Malibu and cause tremendous mudslides.

(I saw the extreme damage to Montecito in June 2018, six months after the January flood: Steel girders wrapped around palm trees. BMWs smashed flat. Houses cut in half. Ten-ton boulders left in people’s yards. Truly shocking and astounding.)

Season 2 of Malibu Fire could be Malibu Flood, and how raging water can be as damaging and dangerous as fires. The structure of Season 2 could be a play on 24, where the whole season takes place over one day or a couple of days as torrential floods, landslides, road closures, power outages and giant waves cut off Malibu from the rest of the world, forcing the firefighters of Station 00 to test a whole different set of skills to rescue citizens trapped by the floods and mud.

GLOSSARY

Malibu Fire will have its own lingo/patois/pidgin/creole - a combination of Montana cowboy slang, surferdude, bro, Spanglish and firefighter talk.  Cooper suffers some losses in translation from Montana to Malibu: picks up some new words and learns not to use others - like complimenting a woman driving a truck as having a nice “rig.” Malibu Fire will be clever with language and introduce some words, concepts and phrases into the American lexicon, and maybe - like Brad Hall with Sniglets - that will inspire the sale of a book called Flexicon, which is 130+ made up words: www.benmarcusrules.com/flexicon

Dumbphone - Station 00 term for annoying smartphones.

Hipsterallergenic - To be allergic to tattoos, man buns, vaping and other accoutrement of modern youth.

Rehab Archipelago - The network of two dozen drug and alcohol rehabilitation centers.

Rehabistas - Residents and guests of Malibu’s rehabs.

Selfelonies - Tom’s joking word about the punishment for taking selfies in Malibu.

Stalkerazzi - Creepy paparazzi who lurk with cameras and drones.

Stinkpot - Derisive terms for fossil-fuel burning cars, used by the owners of electric cars.

THCenility - A mental disorder caused by smoking too much potent cannabis - like Malibu Fire.

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Originally from Santa Cruz, Ben Marcus was an editor/writer at SURFER Magazine from 1989 - 1999. He is proudest of Cold Sweat - the first story about the Mavericks surf spot.

And also for dreaming up the SURFER Magazine Surf Video Awards - which he produced from 1996 to 1999 and was continued by others until SURFER Magazine stopped printing in 2020. 

The first SURFER Magazine Surf Video Awards was a roaring success, and Ben would like to make an audience roar again. It’s a cool buzz.

Ben has written two dozen books, three of them translated into French, German and Dutch. He has also written dozens of articles for online and print. He has written several articles about Malibu history, one book about Malibu history and is working on another ambitious Malibu history book that’s taking forever. (He also wrote a screenplay that got kiped and made into a $30,000,000 movie - which bombed -  but he doesn’t like talking about it because all wannabe writers claim that, but it really did happen no kidding. Details available upon request.)

Ben is not a glory hog but would love to be credited as “Created By” for Malibu Fire and looks forward to working with talented people who want to write, produce, direct and act in a fun show that makes people roar. Hollywood is in a Golden Age right now with shows like The Crown, Norsemen, 1883, 1923, Wednesday and too many other shows to list or watch. 

Malibu Fire aspires to be closest in classy-smart quality to The Crown and to Entourage and Californication in tone and wit. Ben knows surfing and Malibu and a few things, but would like to be part of a crack writing team who know their stuff: Other angles on Malibu, Montana, the ocean, rehabs, fire fighting, super cars.

If given the option, Ben would try to enlist people he knows who know Malibu and surfing and the ocean and who can write.  It would be fun to try to lure Chris Carter out of Montecito as he lived in Malibu for years, certainly can write and knows the math of a TV series. Carter would add gravitas to the production.

Other surfing world writers include Sam George, Jamie Brisick, Steve Hawk, Stacy Peralta all of whom have credits from The New Yorker to Sundance to John From Cincinatti (!).

Ben has some connections to the show biz/surfing world and would try to interest Zuma Jay, John Stockwell, Laird and Gabby Hamilton, Kelly Slater and other surf/show business people to get involved in front of or behind the camera. 

KNOWN SHOW BIZ ASSOCIATES

Ben’s friend Gregg Brilliant was a VP at Paramount and is now a freelance Unit Publicist who has worked on many shows, including Disturbia, Avatar, Life of Pi, Better Call Saul and The Mandalorian. Gregg would love to bring his experience and expertise to Malibu Fire.

Ben is partnered with Marshall Coben on that Malibu history book: Chumash to Hard Cash. Marshall was a VP of Television at Paramount and ran Malibu Locations for many years. Ben would try to rope Marshall into this show as he knows every inch of Malibu - inside and out.

THE BROTHERS MALLOY: SURFING AND DIVIN’, RIDING AND ROPIN’

And speaking of ropin’, Ben is a known associate of the Brothers Malloy - Chris, Keith and Dan - talented lads who are a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll. Raised by a surfing cowboy father, all three are equally skilled at cowboy work by land and wet work by sea: surfers, divers, cinematographers. If any stuntwork or filming with horses or ocean craft was required, these guys have the skills and credits to get ‘er done.

Chris Malloy on IMDB.

Dan Malloy on IMDB.

Keith Malloy on IMDB.

They all are filmmakers with personal and professional credits. Dan Malloy did the surfing for the Jay character in Chasing Mavericks, and Cooper is partially based on the look and demeanor of Dan - a very 19th-Century looking chap.

And if Ben is allowed to suggest some actors, he would try to get roles for Adam Nelson who was in The Abyss, Mystic River and Appaloosa, John Philbin who was Turtle in North Shore and the Jimmy Carter mask bank robber in Point Break, Robert Campbell is a smart guy who had roles in Hawaii Five-0, Vice Principals, Holden On, and Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell.

And of course Isabella “Bizzy” Coben who is the daughter of Marshall Coben and Jane Leeves and had roles on Young Sheldon and American Family.